DJ Khaleds moobs – how to re – read your favorite book

DJ Khaleds moobs – how to re – read your favorite book

Writers note: What.The.Fuck

This is DJ Khaled (real name Khaled Khaled).


This is Evan Spiegel who – if you’re unaware (it’s unlikely – but less so than being unawares to who the man above gnawing on a neck full of chains is) turned down a 3 billion dollar acquisition offer from Facebook in the fall of 2013…in exchange for…Snapchat.


Evan’s in the white – that’s his girlfriend in the…jeans. Here’s a more recent picture of his girl – err, Miranda Kerr.


She’s Australian. That’s all I’ve got…seems to be doing pretty well for herself…not sure what else I can proffer without fluffing. So, yeah, great stuff, Ev…looks like things are going all right. We are fucking PULLING for you, man.



This is a real conversation I took part in last night (blue bubble). If you’re between 14-25 there’s no explanation necessary – Mr. Khaled is, as they say, around. It’s not going to last more than a week or so – but a large part of his current focus on snap stories is his #22daysvegan which involves, more and more, a vigorous – ish workout regimen in his masterfully groomed garden, lawn or whatever.

Disclaimer: I’m aware that Khaled will never stop on his journey for more success ie. the #22daysvegan will last #22days — more than a week or so pertains to the….hype machine.

In any event – he’s got moobs, fucking moobs, and they’re bouncing around – and I’m fucking riveted – and he’s got a medicine ball and a skinny white trainer and a personal chef and bunch of other shit. This matters because he had snapchat for like three fucking months before being invited to meet Spiegel at Snapchat headquarters. Here’s a human-ish clip of Khaled for you. (13:30).

Nardwuar doesn’t need any particular introduction and it likely goes without saying his best quality is being so pasty white whilst mainly interviewing rappers. The time spot in question sees Nardwuar ask Khaled about his snapchat involvement – the price of the acquisition turned down is debated (it was 3 bil – they’re both technically wrong in the video) as the stocky bearded tune maker grows doe eyed and wooed of voice in talking about how he looked in Evan Spiegel’s eyes (remember – he’s fucking fucking Miranda Kerr) and asked how he turned down the money – only to be laughed at.

“He’s gotta know something we don’t. I would’ve took the money.”

(this is not a serious quoting but I think you probably get the point give or take a few words)

What does it mean? It means that I get ribbed at work at least once a week for being a millennial. I don’t know what the fuck this is supposed to mean – I just turned 24 – I can use an iPhone – and every time I watch Khaled’s snapchat I see the same three things…one of which is any number of kids who look to be between 12 and 17 (can anyone fucking tell how old kids are anymore? I feel like it’s a long stream of bike riding little assholes pelting their little brothers with water balloons and total disregard for oncoming traffic) screaming Khaled catch phrases while he’s on the stair master sweating like a ham the dog just pissed on or sticking his head out of a black car en route to screaming at a crowd of mollified beach town kids suckling for a drip of a massive ACE bottle like John Stewart stumbling around looking for 1997.

The message has something to do with instant satisfaction – something that gets eroded by situational detail combing when re-reading your favorite book, watching the movie again, or….watching Khaled slam a medicine ball in front of the LIIIOOON! for the fifth time in an hour among moderate insomnia.

Seriously tho? The moobs – the guy is working – I hope he’s serious about all the I will never stop – ing.



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