No, I’m not talking about how many calories are in the worst version of Sprite.
I’m not talking about that guy with the “can i touch it?” hair from Holes, or my chances at landing the non-plastic Jenner sister.
And I’m not even talking about the number on D’angelo Russell’s Ohio State jersey.
Zero, as in the amount of people who trust D’angelo Russell right now.
And if young Metro don’t trust you….
But is the lack of trust in the young Laker merited? Probably. After all, the rookie filmed a teammate as he admitted to cheating on his fiance (more on that to come). Russell claimed he made the video as a snapchat prank and the video was somehow hacked off of his phone. Still, the responsibility lies with him. In a day and age where “nudes” is common vernacular, Russell has no excuse for his actions. In the words of my ex-girlfriend, “delete it, now!”
What about Mr. Nick Young? Is he stupid, or just a scumbag? Yep, the answer is both. There is one place in sports where anything goes. The locker room. Nick Young could say, “Honestly, Hitler had a point” and if he were in the locker room, it would be okay. But instead, he let it slip in a hotel room. Hotels are places you go to when you want to experiment with hard drugs. They’re a place for cheating fathers (ironic) to stay at. Ask Buddy from Friday Night Lights. Hold on, I don’t want to forget to call Nick Young a scumbag again. Good for you guy, you bragged about borderline illegal sexual conquests to a kid who can’t even buy booze yet. That’s exactly what we want young men to learn today, that its cool to cheat on your fiance.
Anyways, I’m going to have three esteemed colleagues of mine join in on this one. We’re going to rank some people/things on in order of who is at fault the most here. Here is my list: (most at fault, to least at fault)
- Nick Young: The only thing worse than cheating on your fiance? Bragging about it to a 20 year old, while checking some emails, and listening to E! If you don’t want to get caught cheating, don’t cheat. Or at least don’t tell anyone about it.
- The Dude who leaked the video. I mean, come on man. If that is your form of income then seriously, go step barefooted on a lego. Cali just raised minimum wage to $15 an hour, get a real job. Stop ruining lives to make a quick buck.
- D’angelo Russell: Bruh. Very risky prank to pull here. Too many things can go wrong. The cost-benefit of this prank just isn’t worth it. Scaring Nick Young<Getting phone hacked.
- Snapchat: This form of media crack is somewhat guilty here. I’m hooked. I check snapchat 30 seconds after I just checked snapchat. I follow Drama from Fantasy Factory for no reason. The irony here is that if Russell had posted this to snapchat, it would be deleted after a 24 hours anyways. This video is here to stay
- NBA: I would pay Russell’s rookie salary just to hear Iggy say “put another shrimp on the barbie!” And Nick Young cheated. Probably because his FU money creates an ego so large that he simply has to cheat on his wife to be. This is the NBA environment. Also, what two geniuses decided to assign Young and Russell to a room?
Shaun’s MOST AT FAULT list
1.If you are 30 years old and you refer to yourself as “Swaggy P,” you are worse than a womanizing cheater. If you are 30 years old and you are a cheating womanizer that calls himself “Swaggy P,” then you deserve death by a million papercuts. You suck. I have hated Nick Young forever, which seems to be a common theme for me in all my Open Field pieces – there are a LOT of people that I have hated for a LONG time. It’s just the way it is. But there is a real part of me that actually thinks “serves you right, dude.” Like I know this isn’t how I would have liked to see him get caught – a TMZ camera right up his ass as he leaves a club at 4:00am would have been a lot more satisfying, but still. If you’re a cheater, then you’re a cheater, and nothing good deserves to happen for you. I think as a punishment, God should strike down his rage and give Nick Young a jump shot that only goes in 30% of the time, but also give Nick Young a brain that decides to shoot 35 times a game, so it basically embarrasses him for the rest of his career as a complete joke. And then let’s put him on one of the worst teams in the league, so that he also has to suffer losing while he can’t shoot. That’ll show him… oh wait.
2.D’Angelo Russell just validated every miserable old person’s argument that “your damn generation and their phones – put ‘em down!” Thanks a lot, D’Angelo. Does this really need to be on camera? Look, I get that this was a tough choice here because Nick Young sucks and is a loser (see: section 1) but it is either we put the damn phone down and let him brag about dumb stuff and save our career in Los Angeles, or we ruin any and all trust for the rest of our career just to out the guy. Now, I don’t want Russell in my locker room. Might be snapping pics of me in the bathroom, catching me in some compromised situations (e.g.: pooping). Put the damn phone down, dude. There is no way you can break this news without looking like a damn snitch. I don’t even want to brainstorm a way for you to get this news to Iggy to help you out, because then anyone reading it would be like “damn, Shaun would totally rat me out if I said some stuff to him.” You can’t be asking guys what they do on their own time and blowing up their spot. Also, Snapchat videos can only be 10 seconds long. Sweet attempt at claiming this video came from a hack in the app. We all have our phones in our hands 24/7 because we are shitty young kids, just like you. We know better. Take your gross eyebrows and get out of dodge for a while. Lay low, son.
(In the end, after thinking about it, I’m not really mad at D’Angelo. Any and all cheaters deserve the worst. Awful situation, but we can’t REALLY blame D’Angelo here, at least I’m not going to. Satirical note – if you take this as actual anger towards D’Angelo, or you hate him now, you might be kinda of a crappy person)
This list ends with these two jabronis. There is no one else at fault here. Maybe Iggy for hanging around this clown, or the 19-year old girl sneaking all up in the club to get a smooch on Young, but meh – I’d do the same if I was a hot chick hanging around an NBA stud. Just kidding, I would totally be home doing homework. Stay strong, Iggy. No one deserves that kind of awful embarrassment.
Calif. is a 2-party consent state for recordings. Unless Nick Young consented, D’Angelo Russell may have broken law. https://t.co/fU8hhUXHJ3
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) March 31, 2016
Jake’s MOST AT FAULT list
1.Fuck you old people – I am 7000% in on enjoying Russell’s stupidity on this one and moreover, don’t you dare think, even for a second, that there wasn’t some karmic force at play for Nick Young here – you don’t get to date a chick dissed in a Macklemore (FUCKING MACKLEMORE) song and get away with it
2. Is Russell Trustworthy? I guess that depends on your observances of social media’s power // tendency to agree with crusty white people on the idea that millennials are the dawn of death to America and the world at large. I’ll just kindly remind you before going forward that the generation(s) claiming such things lay in kinship with both current Republican frontrunners and that the sack of used condoms who poisoned Flint’s water supply (who will go unpunished) with the figurative backing of legislative prowess leased from grubby hands of other such esteemed baby boomers.
3.So like – Russell, obviously, is an idiot. He shouldn’t have done this but, you know, boo.fucking.whoo. Unwritten rules aside – we’re talking about a thirty year old going by Swaggy P talking about fucking 19 year olds – engaged to a girl who was dissed in a FUCKING MACKLEMORE song. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. Do you with your security detail leaving the Staples Center young Russell – your career in LA might be over but guess what this is America and as long as you’re not a homosexual playing (trying to play) in the NFL literally no one is going to give a fuck what you did in six months. Just chill.
4. Get the man some goggles!
Mikey’s MOST AT FAULT list
- Kobe Bryant is the clear loser in this situation IMO, just because I don’t have a soundbite yet on his opinion. This season is about HIM GODDAMNIT, PAY ATTENTION TO HIM
- The NBA – In all seriousness, this is a bad look for the league. It was already the most scrutinized sports league in the world when the subject of player maturity comes up, with its obvious lack of ability to find a suitable minimum age requirement. Constantly there are dickheads on TV talking about how “guys need time to grow” and the obvious counterargument “RIGHT TO GET PAID FOR WORK” that turns the whole fucking thing into a shouting match.
- The Los Angeles Lakers – This offseason was already going to be an uphill battle for the Lakers. The booming cap, coupled with their low payroll and large market, gave the team optimism that this summer might see them land a few mega stars and be thrust immediately back into relevancy. However, this coldsore on the lip of the chick who used to be hot in highschool, but maybe took a few too many L’s (or D’s amirite) during the past year, is just one blemish too many. I doubt they end up with any notable names in free agency, because fuckkkkkkkk wanting to walk into this shitstorm.
- D’Angelo Russell – Man, just…. Grow up? Tough for me to say, I had Ramen Noodles for dinner last night. But, then again, I waited a full 4 years of college before I left…
by The Open Field Staff (led by Matt)FOLLOW THE OPEN FIELD