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Month: April 2016

God damnit, Roger – stuff that isn’t deflategate

God damnit, Roger – stuff that isn’t deflategate

Today Roger Gooddell reminded us why he’s annoying. Shortly after Mikey sent me a text about Roger Goodell. This is pretty much how the conversation went :

Mikey: fucking GO AWAY DEFLATEGATE

Jake: So dumb

Jake: But the stool content is gonna be phenomenal

M: think the NFL did this on draft week to make fans think the loss of the picks was justifed?

J: They did it on draft week because they know new England fans work themselves like ^^

J: It’s so fucking annoying

J: I can’t even enjoy it

J: They’ve literally ruined patriots hate for me

M: fuck you

J: Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to / you’re mad bc you know I’m right

M: tin hat is on today

J: Fair enough

-SCENE-

Roger Goodell is a wrinkly bag of dicks. This is not news. Fuck Roger Goodell. There’s a lot to hate him for – but this shit shouldn’t be the case. Unfortunately people and fans (ALL FANS) are also fucking stupid – this is the world we operate in. Anyway – fuck deflategate and Goodells peddling of integrity among men with the candor of soy bacon substitute.

SOY IS FINE OKAY BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T FUCKING LIE ABOUT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

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Roger is riding this fucking thing for all it’s worth – so here’s a list of stuff being ridden by people that aren’t Roger.

  1. Young Thug riding a horse

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2. Putin riding a bear

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3. Beyonce Riding a Dolphin

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4. This cat riding a sandwich

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5. Rogen and Franco riding a bike

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6. Hillary riding the coattails of pantsuit revolution

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Twilight Zone — Deflategate and Public Opinion

Twilight Zone — Deflategate and Public Opinion

Editor’s Note:  I really can not believe I am writing a Delfategate story in April of 2016. The game was on January 18th, 2015. Whatever, let’s just do this.


In case you missed it, here is the story:

A federal appeals court has ruled that New England Patriots Tom Brady must serve a four-game “Deflategate” suspension imposed by the NFL, overturning a lower judge and siding with the league in a battle with the players union.

The 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled Monday in New York. The decision by a three-judge panel may end the legal debate over the scandal that led to months of football fans arguing over air pressure and the reputation of one of the league’s top teams.

via CNBC

So what does this mean? Unless things change again, which would be awful in it’s own right, Tom Brady will be suspended for the first 4 games of the NFL regular season this upcoming Fall. The Patriots will play Arizona, Miami, Houston, and Buffalo in the first 4 weeks. That’s a Super Bowl contender, a Defensive MVP, and 2 divisional rivals within the first 4 weeks. The quarterback under center for those 4 pivotal games to start the season will be untested and untried (but amazingly handsome) Jimmy Garoppolo. He is pictured below:

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Ah the future sure is bright… anyways where was I? Oh, right, outrage.

What this basically means for Patriot’s fans is that this summer will be a constant fight. The decision made today was not involving Tom Brady at all, believe it or not. Federal officials were tasked with deciding whether or not NFL commissioner Roger Goodell had the authority to suspend Brady, and they deemed he did. Due to the nature of this decision, and the fact that it was the highest rung of the ladder the case has seen thus far, the suspension is now BACK on, a full year and change after the incident.


To be a fan of the New England Patriots anywhere outside of New England is really shitty. Not only does the league make watching “your” team out of market nearly impossible, but they force you to purchase the entire out of market package. If you are not up for spending a few hundred bucks to catch a handful of football games, your only option is a bar equipped with NFL packages. This seems a viable option, until you consider that you are a New England Patriots fan…

Any bar across the country outside of New England really despises the Patriots. I mean REALLY despises the Patriots. It does not matter where you go, what you wear, or who they are playing. The NFL has succeeded in establishing a cloak of suspicion in the minds of the casual fan, regarding Brady and the Patriots. “Cheaters!” “Liars!” “Arrogant!”

Without doing research as to the actual story-lines and subplots surround the case, fans have drawn a line from the Patriots to GUILTY. Skipping over important anecdotes and ignoring reasonable doubt. The system by which fans create opinions is to each their own, so the guilt does not lie with the idiot from your office who won’t budge on his stance. The guilty party in this case is the National Football Association, who have used an excellent combination of timing and public relation’s wording to create a monster in New England. The league either realized that controversy sells, or somewhere behind closed doors Goodell is getting disrespected. My money is with the latter.

All I know is that Brady is currently suspended. All I know is people hate New England and consider Tom Brady and Bill Bellicheck cheaters.

Regardless how far up the ladder this goes, at least one of the two above points will always be true.

Despite anything definitive, the league has succeeded in creating a cloud of “I don’t care what your document says” among casual fans, and it’s a damn shame that the legacy of one of it’s most successful franchises will always have that hanging over them.

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Instant Reaction: Game of Thrones S6 E1

Instant Reaction: Game of Thrones S6 E1

1 – Sansa Stark was due for a break more than anyone in history and she finally got it.

I was all set to fall into Despair once again when Ramsay’s hounds and men surrounded Sansa, and then – AND THEN – Brienne and Pod rode in and fucked everyone’s shit all up. It was only fear of waking my children that I didn’t jump up off my couch and let go of a KG scream. FINALLY. I was highly emotional when Brienne pledged her service and Sansa – with a little assistance from Pod – confirmed said service. I don’t know where they are heading, but let’s all hope it’s not North towards The Wall. Shit is getting loose up there (addressed below).

2 – Jamie and Cersei v the World; Sand Snakes killing everyone out here.

Cersei, once again, is confronted with the loss of a child. Myrcella seemed to be the most well-adjusted and decent of the incestous offspring of Jamie/Cersei. Cersei acknowledges this while explaining to Jamie that there was nothing to be done about any of it due to the prophecy of some crazy witch woman back in the day: three of her children were destined to die. Jamie responds with a fuck all of that and gives Cersei the pep talk every coach has given to his/her team: it’s us versus all of them. Everyone else is against us. We will defeat them; we will take back everything that is ours. We will win.

Meanwhile, the Sand Snakes got busy with taking care of any opposition left in Dorne. Oberyn’s widow-paramour and one of the Sand Snakes take out Doran Martell’s gout-riddled ass while the other two Sand Snakes let Trystane Martell – Doran’s son – choose which of them erases his map. When he squares up against his selected Snake, however, the other one splits his fucking face with a spear from behind. The blood and gore level stays turned up to 11 in Game of Thrones Season Six, as is expected.

3 – Arya gets her blind ass whipped.

Over in Braavos, Arya takes up a random step amongst the other beggars, receiving a few coins from passersby. Her nemesis – that old/young waif – shows up to fight her with Donatello bo staffs. She fares about as well as most of us would had we just lost the use of our eyes. Arya gets roughed up for a bit before her opponent cuts out, promising to see her – Arya – tomorrow. It’s like the worst karate training imaginable.

 4 – Surprise: Dany doesn’t get raped!

Avoiding the plight of most every other woman-in-jeopardy-of-being-assaulted in this show, Daenerys uncorks some Dothraki, explaining to Khal Moro that she is the widow of Khal Drogo, and that she will not be lying with him and most certainly won’t be providing him with a Jr. Khal Moro. He apparently has high respect for his fallen fellow Khal and promises The Mother of Dragons that none of his people will harm her. Unfortunately he identifies where every Khal-widow must take up residence: Vaes Dothrak – the weird-as-shit marketplace where no blood is allowed to be shed, and that is lined with monuments of every city conquered by the Dothraki. It could be worse, I guess.

Where the hell is Drogon? Dude better show up soon, set fire to everyone, and Uber Daenerys Stormborn all the way the fuck out of there.

(We also got some excellent Tyrion-Varys banter [“she thinks you want to eat her baby”], after which they encounter another one of those damn Red Priest guys stirring the pot. Meereen appears as though it will be a tall task for the little Imp and his junkless sidekick.)

5 – Ooooooohhhhhhhh Jonny!

So Jon Snow is real dead, and stays that way for the length of the episode. Dolorous Edd, Davos, Ghost, and a select few other Crows stand guard over Jon’s body in a random room within Castle Black, trying to figure out what to do. Davos, comprising about 98% of the remaining intellect at The Wall, is all like hey, there are a few thousand Wildlings who followed The Lord Commander through The Wall, maybe go ask them to help, morons. So Edd, presumably, sets off to do just that. Meanwhile, Alliser Thorne, chief dickhead, informs Jon’s dead-bodyguards that if they come out by sundown they will not be harmed. Davos et al. see this for what it is: a big, giant crock of shit.

The Red Woman, Jon’s best hope, makes an appearance, stroking Jon’s cold, dead face before retiring to her room where she takes of her clothes (gotta hit that nudity quota!) and her necklace, transforming into a thousand-year-old hag, complete with a gratuitous old-lady vagina shot. Oh, GoT. You never cease to amaze us.


Real stoked for this season. I’m a book-reader and it is really awesome not knowing what’s coming for the first time in five plus seasons. Long Live Thrones.

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THRONES SEASON PREVIEW

THRONES SEASON PREVIEW

WOW! (pun intended) — well, well, ladies and beers – THE DAY IS HERE. What a year it’s been, Killian finished high school after 27 years, Mike had a baby, and I learned how to read just in time for the Trump campaign. I’m really happy that I’m writing this from Boston’s head on my apartment roof on an 80 degree day, 80 degrees, folks. Winter might be coming to Westeros, but it certainly didn’t come to America this year. Thanks a lot, Al.

Any whoo, we’re going topics on personal opinion from where they’re at to where we see them going.

Valar more wine.

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JON AIN’T DEAD

Jake: First red band trailer back in March was fucking LIT, needless to say – any and everything Thrones related (from HBO) since has been much in the same. Consistent action packing, basically, would be a criminally severe understatement. Relative to he who knows nothing, the red lady is my easy winner. Painful as it was to see on screen, I finally gained a certain gratitude at reaching ground level with show only watchers of GOT, able to speak entirely free of spoiler fear. Here’s where I’m at: never forget that George R.R. Martin is a weird old dude who writes about a fantasy world where twelve year olds get married to midgets against the will of both parties – suffice it to say under these circumstances that the goodness, depth of Jon’s character is likely the most redeeming quality Martin grants himself from a storytelling perspective. Yes, the show and book are different, but one does not exist without the other, and so…

The web is complex – and nothing is certain. What is? Jon’s resurgence. Story makes no sense other wise. I’ll stand eye to eye with Martin and his New Mexico shack and floppy weiner’s any day of the week and say it loud – kid ain’t dead. You saw Melisandre’s hand on his forehead, you see her say she was all wrong about Stannis. The theory is confirmed – we can only wait. Related but not – that’s a bit of a fiasco to be left at the wall, so, what the fuuuuuuck is gonna happen there?

Mikey: I also think it’s safe to say JON IS BACK BITCHES. The next step at the wall will be determined basically by the Jon narrative and its time frame. Will Jon lay slain long enough for a power struggle to take place? I believe so. Which, therefore, makes his eventual return even more interesting seeing which faction and role he becomes a part of. I think the most interesting piece in the aftermath of his death to watch will be just how tightly the door is shut behind him, and if he is able to resume any of his life post-return.

Killian: All signs point to Jon’s return, which means he won’t. But we’ve come to expect this type of ambiguity, so he’s definitely returning. What will an unbound Jon Snow have to give to Westeros? The wildlings have seen it all so from what we all can assume, so a guy returning from the dead is just another day. Melisandre knew Jon is the truth the moment she arrived to Castle Black, signs point to some good ‘ole blood magic. The state of the Wall will be a definite toss-up, it looks like Davos is going to fight his way out of there. If Davos has LongClaw for the time being (watch end of trailer), then at least we know valyrian steel is in the right hands. Lord Snow has what it takes to lead the free folks, and the star power to lay waste to those who hold the North. If he wakes up…

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Theon-and-Sansa-S05E10

SUP, GREYJOYS?

Jake: So the Greyjoys along with the rest of steely eyed iron islanders worship what’s called the drowned god. This is an obscurity in the north because they’re the only kingdom in that region that doesn’t take stock in the old gods – a big point of conflict when Theon first returned home in Season 1 after being hostage/squire at the Stark household for his youth. The drowned god is said to have plucked fire from the sea, yadda, yadda – and is worshiped in physical nature of the iron islanders by undergoing its namesake or, being drowned in some fashion. What I want to know is this – does Theon have the pluck after Ramsay’s torture to lead the Iron Islands against a hilariously corrupt south, moreover, would saner members of his family see the value in his succeeding his soon to be late father Balon? I don’t think he does – and this is namely why it’s tight as fuuuuuuck that we get some Asha or Yara or whatever shots looking dressed for battle in the previews HBO has released – we also get a shot of lunatic shot Euron/Crow’s Eye on a bridge in the rain (killing Balon) and getting dunked (drowned) in a ritualistic fashion…KINGSMOOT BABY.

Mikey: Picture this: Theon leads the Iron Islands against the south, returning the Greyjoy’s to pride and glory. He takes the place of Balon, and all is right. Now, picture none of that happeneing, as Theon gets in the position to restore his sanity and purpose only to murmur REEEEEEK repeatedly as he smashes the legacy of the Greyjoys one by one like Orson smashed those fucking beetles. But, you never know, dickless heroes may eventually emerge from all corners of the RR Martin Express.

Killian: The Greyjoys are like those distant family relatives you don’t tell your friends about. Own rituals, brother fingers sister on a horse…just some “place you on a watch list” type of behavior. If Theon returned that means he had to have done well enough to convince them all he’s Theon.The Kingsmoot will happen, I wonder if all the family will return or they’ll combine characters into one for HBO sake. Who’d Theon pawn Sansa too?

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jorah

JORAH’S SUUUUUUUUCH A NICE GUY

Jake: King of the friendzone Mormot caught a tough one with Dany flying off on Drogon post attempted assassination at the pit in Mereen. We see old Jorah, as ever, riding forward on the steed with a good man at this side. His kneel and turning over the ring in the grassy knoll where the Dorthraki overtook Dany held shades of Dawsons creek and calls to mind several questions. Not the first of which is how Tyrion will handle him now that he’s head of the ship in Mereen, who will Daario take to, and how quickly will the fighting pits be reopened? All of these matter because, as Tyrion’s voice heads us up in the preview…he’s very much “in the great big game” which Jorah, I doubt, has any interest in. Much like Brienne, he lives to serve the one he loves, cruel twists of fate (he’s not a great guy, she’s pretty morally sound) she’s alive…and not down to hang in the sheets. Dany’s off to Vaes Dothrak – it’s plain to see where that’s going…what the fuck is Jorah gonna do?

Mikey: Listen, man, Jorah isn’t that hard of a guy to figure out. For what I lack in reading comprehension and sheer man hours dedicated to Wiki of Ice and Fire, I make up for in my knowledge of irrational male behavior regarding females. George “Georgie” Martin wrote this character in to be simple, predictable, and dependable. He did not create a complex character in fucking JORAH. This guy’s in love. Like, 13 old boy got his first handie love. Except he never got anything, AND she’s screwing the captain of the football team. Whatever, all I am trying to say is whatever he does won’t be a mystery. If you take circa 5 minutes and really sit down before each episode and say, “If I were Jorah and literally nothing else mattered but Khaleesi, what would he do next?”. There is your answer, now go get your girl Jorah. You beautiful old man, you.

Killian: Jorah the explorer off again, love the little Lord of the Rings moment when Jorah picked up Dany’s ring (Viggo Mortensen did it better). I have no idea what will eat him up, his love or grey-scale. Traveling with with Tyrion is one thing, especially since he was Jorah’s prisoner. But traveling with a silver-tongued smart ass like Daario? Especially since Jorah knows what he did with that tongue (He’s not an idiot). Dany entering Vaes Dothrak was pretty sweet, I’m sure Drogon will make another timely appearance because we all know how expensive CGI is.

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SO…HOW ABOUT THAT RIDE IN?

Killian: How long is a boat ride from the Water Gardens to King’s Landing? Cause Myrcella was dead for like 98% of that trip. We’ve heard a vindictive Jaime from time to time, but sounds like he actually meant it when speaking to Cersei. Maybe it was just something to get back in her good graces, but she looks dead inside so whatever. We pretty much know that Cersei is on the warpath, she’s got champion so it looks like we have a trial by combat coming soon. Remember what Qyburn said, “the profits may change” (creepy little foot fetish guy). Bronn has cheated death for Lannisters before, he had a breaking point with Tyrion. Where where it be with Jaime.

Mikey: If the boat Myrcella and Jaime were on was traveling at the same pace the boat Jon was on sailing away from Hardhome, this ride will probably continue well into season 7:

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Jake: Big news, the show got renewed – incase anyone was concerned. Myrcella is dead, this is simultaneously irrlevant and fucking ridiculous. I think it’s a safe vantage to have that season 5 was tops for fuck-ed-ness in terms of, general human rights violations on characters. Does it get worse than the dialogue before Myrcella drank the poison?

Jamie speaking to his daughter (Myrcella) who’s supposed to be his niece but isn’t because he fucks his sociopathic sister and everyone knows but no one does anything because GRRM likes writing about incest and death.

Jamie : “Hey Myrcella – big secret here but um I always ignored you because I didn’t want people to know I was your real dad.”

Myrcella : “Why uncle Jamie?”

J : “Because your mom is my sister.”

M : “Oh, right. That’s illegal. Well if it makes you feel any better I always knew and tbh I’m happy about it because I’m an incestual child to a murderous lunatic half queen, so this is like, right up my alley…but I’m your daughter so you already knew that, didn’t you?”

J : “Totes – love you too, really glad we could resolve this on good terms given you’re about to be taken captive by our families biggest enemies a world away from my sisterlover aka your mom. Say, is that wine?”

M : *BOOM I’M DEAD*  

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Arya and That Creepy Place with Weird Music

Mikey: So, aside from every girl saying, “I think i’m closest to Arya in real life” every two seconds, the female-Stark-who-you’d-sleep-with-last is having a bit of an issue where we left her last. Blinded by the Many Faced God, last seen void of pupils, Arya is going to be interesting to watch this season. Her character, for all the relatability, is someone who genuinely is a wildcard in every sense of the word. She has the capability of taking out MAJOR characters this season regardless of her identity. Think back to jaqen h’ghar and his ability as a killer, because this is the path Arya is following. This type of supernatural predator being built around the mind of a girl who watched her life get ripped apart by the injustice of force is the recipe for a loose cannon. She is a humanized Chekov’s gun, she WILL kill someone important, checking names off her list one by one…

Jake: Sleep with last, Mike? Do you mean to tell me this isn’t doing it for you?

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(S/O HBO and Entertainment magazine cause THIS AIN’T MY PICTURE)

On a maybe-not-at-all serious note – Arya’s not the best storyline, but her locale is one of the most interesting on several fronts having to do with her sister, creepy pete Baelish, and the ever fluctuating Lannister fallout (more later). To the point – I’ve been convinced since hot pie was baking animal cakes that  jaqen h’ghar had a greater purpose to serve, but I don’t know anymore – the many faced may just be that, a single souled manifestation taking over wrought human forms with no perceptible goals save that of its own views on who deserves to die. I say this because of the story scope and the well documented knowledge Benioff and Weiss have had since the shows outset – scenes in show become chapters of text, and she left that stupid little sword on under the rock for a reason. I think this chance will be her last, because she’s got people to kill AS SOMEONE….

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 BAELISH IS COLLEGE AGED TED CRUZ WITH AN IQ AND LESS VIDEO CAMERAS

Jake: You saw the video, if you didn’t :

What’s Baelish doing? Oh, plotting the rise of Bravoos. Bravoos, where Arya’s currently staying. Bravoos, where the Iron Bank is. Why does that matter? What’s it mean for Pete?

A refresher :

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Sansa – giving that tight ass monologue in season 4. I can’t embed but hit the “LINK” below and watch the first 10 seconds of this scene for context.

“LINK”

Visual context in series has come twice – once inside in season 4 :

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(Davos, doing Davos shit in season 4 @ The Iron Bank while Stannis was still alive – what are you doing, Stanny? Seeing how many child soldiers sort of related to you you can stuff in that wall?)

And once briefly last season, outside, Arya looking on at Mace Tyrell and ser Trent – juuuuust before :

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SOOOO….

The iron bank is essentially the intersection of a tax free swiss hideaway and the US Fed in Westeros speak – if you can get the loan, they’re generous as hell, but (we haven’t seen this yet) rumor has it they actually will kill you if the sum and resulting interests go unpaid for too long. This matters because our ‘ol friend Pete, whose whereabouts are currently sketchy as they’ve ever been, is from the “free city” of Bravoos. He’s a slave, a commoner, who came from nothing to rise to a position of power – but loose allusions his heritage in show and book cannot go unnoticed. Why’s this matter? Because he fucking hates everyone save Caitlyn Stark or women who sort of resemble Caitlyn Stark aka the Lannisters aka he was the master of coin (treasurer) for quite a long time at ‘ol kings landing…who does “the crown” currently owe a dick load of money to via Baelish’s Steve-O Rise and Demise esque borrowing strategy? The Iron Bank. He’s coming home, presumably with Sansa whenever she finds her way out of the woods (out of the woods yeah are we out of the woods yeah) with stupid Theon. Who’s gonna kill the bastard? One of the Stark girls, maybe both…

Mike: Honestly, I don’t really like Lemon Cake. I find his plot line expired. He should take that little fortress in the middle of nowhere and just chill out til a dragon or white walker eventually destroys it.


By The Open Field Staff

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Hot off the Press — The Faces on Our Money

Hot off the Press — The Faces on Our Money

The Root of all Evil

The United States government has an affinity for dancing around the whole truth. Sometimes, they simply lie like a rug. Remember that time men and women died in Iraq under false claims that Saddam had nukes. Or that time LBJ lied about the Gulf of Tonkin Incident so men and women could die in Vietnam. Or that time William McKinley lied about how the USS Maine was sunk so he could have men and women die in the Philippines.

Or that time they decided to put Andrew Jackson on the 20 dollar bill, pretending as if the Trail of Tears never happened. Pretending as if he did not break treaty after treaty in order to command the slaughter of thousands of Native Americans.

Yet, the U.S finally got one right. Maybe they realized it was in poor taste to have both Sacajawea and a notorious Indian slayer on U.S currency at the same time. Anyways, I thought I would give you a low down on the people who currently are on American money. The Good , the Bad, and the ugly. Then you decided if you want them on your currency.

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Penny: Abe Lincoln- Great pick here by the gov. Honest Abe was a selfless hero. I mean, anytime a person decides to go to war with its country in order to keep it united you have to respect their audacity. Nothing wrong with this pick.


Nickel: Thomas Jefferson- TJ is a solid selection here. He doubled the size of the United States for cash considerations and a future second rounder. Yet, the guy is a coward. He actually disagreed with slavery from a human rights perspective. But, he would not speak against it publicly. Also, the whole Declaration of Independence thing…yeah he basically stole it from Locke. Still, this selection doesn’t keep me awake at night. Good call.


Dime: FDR- A no brainer. Second best president to do it. First things first, he pulled the U.S out from the worst economic depression in our country’s history. Also, FDR strategically owned World War II. Poland, Croatia, Slovakia and more would be Germany East if it weren’t for Roosevelt. The not so good: he had a ton of affairs. And not your average affairs. One was with a distant cousin and there is a good chance he took down a princess of Norway.

(*The “FDR knew about Pearl Harbor” thing is totally false. Thought I should include it. I’ll provide an interesting link about J. Edgar Hoover and how he manipulated that story)


Quarter: GDubs- You know what you are getting with GW. Perennial all-star, wooden teeth and all. His Farewell Address is legendary. I am sure there is some dirt on him but I have not come across any yet.


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50 Cent Piece: JFK- I am very torn here. On the one hand, he avoided a nuclear war with Russia. He is war hero and swam miles across shark-infested waters to save his comrades during World War II. On the other hand, the guy is as crooked as J Cole’ smile. Jackie Kennedy used to take her kids to Camp David from Thursday to Monday. She would not come back on Sunday because she wanted to give Jack an extra day, this way she would not have to walk in on him and his mistress. He once paid someone with the same name as his campaign opponent to run for office, so the votes would be split. He used flat-out scare tactics and corruption to obtain office. Yet, once he was there, he did ok. Except for the times he refused to meet with Martin Luther King…and that Bay of Pigs thing…


Dollar Coin: Ike- Eisenhower was such a steal at this stage of the draft. Do you know how politicians are scared to defund the military because it will cause millions of people to lose their jobs…yea Ike warned us of that in the 1950s. He also decided not to nuke Korea, which is huge. Ike also took a lot of heat for not beating Russia in the space race. But he had the common sense to realize that the whole race was meaningless, mere propaganda, making him a sleeper for top 5 all time.


 

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Dollar, 2 Dollar and 5 Dollar bills: GW, TJ and Abe. Did the U.S just get lazy here? Teddy Roosevelt must have been really bummed to not hear his name called on draft day.


10 Spot: Hamilton- A “why didn’t I get a sleeve for my coffee” hot,  fire flames play. The Federal government. A continuation of chivalry and honor. We have a lot to thank AH for. Dude would have been president too if it weren’t for the whole “you have to be born here” thing.


20 Spot: Harriett Tubman- If you risk your life on a daily basis for years in order to liberate a race of people, you deserve to have your face on some money. I hate to make maddening generalizations like this but if you are against this idea you are not only stupid but no getting invited to my birthday party.


50 Spot: Grant- Not a lot of dirt on this guy. We can, however, thank him for holding the U.S together. On second thought, I am not opposed to having the American South be a separate country. Kind of rethinking this one, thanks a lot Ulysses.


Hundo: Benji- No, not that guy from that depressing 30 for 30. Mr. Franklin.  Next time to you see someone from Tennessee, ask them if they like electricity, because he is responsible for that. Did he cheat on his wife and decide to chill in France while the colonies were getting spanked…yes. Yet, many of you wouldn’t be able to even watch your HD Porn if he hadn’t invented bifocals. I’m more than comfortable with this pick.


500 Spot: McKinley- Honestly, not so great of a guy. He promoted the Spanish-American war which quickly bordered upon race war. Not a horrible pick here but I can think of a lot of better ones. Definitely a reach, especially with Teddy and Clinton still sitting on the board.


1000 spot: Cleveland- I like it during this stage of the game. Cleveland is a metaphor of American resiliency. He was president, lost a reelection bid, but then came back to win it all again four years later, a feat that has never been duplicated since. Grover Grover, come on over. A huge energy guy that I’ll take 8 days a week.


 

wilson-100-grand

 

I’m calling it a day after President Cleveland. Sure, there are 5,000, 10,000 and even a 100,000 bill. But no one has those and no one cares. Besides, I checked them all out and they are decent dudes anyways. I’ll put some references below in case you want to learn more or simply want to see if all these accusations hold truth.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/1982/12/02/did-hoover-know-of-pearl-harbor/7510d069-2ac9-4512-a543-d2ce1aceca7c/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/clinton/stories/fdr030198.htm

Leamer, Laurence. The Kennedy Men: 1901-1963: The Laws of the Father. New York: Wm. Morrow, 2001. Print.

Karnow, Stanley. In Our Image: America’s Empire in the Philippines. New York: Random House, 1989. Print.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1990-05-06/features/9002070774_1_poor-richard-lucy-mercer-franklin-delano-roosevelt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y06NSBBRtY

 

 

by Matt

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Game of Thrones Predictions — Melisandre, Shireen, and the Onion Knight

Game of Thrones Predictions — Melisandre, Shireen, and the Onion Knight

(Editor’s Note: Game of Thrones is fucking awesome. Killian, Jake, and myself have a preview column coming out on Sunday for you to read before the show starts. This is a small preview into the type of GOT coverage you can expect moving forward.)

I believe that Davos and Melisandre will both die in episode 1. Fire up the old hot take machine Shaun, I am going in…


Melisandre is a character that needs no introduction. You know her as The Red Woman, and she is the person whom every Thrones fan thinks is most likely to bring Jon Snow back from the dead. She arrived at Castle Black right before Jon was murdered by that fucking child, and the timing of that seems to point the story towards her revival of Jon. Backstory, Melisandre needs king’s blood and will do anything to get it. We have seen her kill innocent people for it (more on that later). We have seen Melisandre perform revivals, birth a smoke warrior who killed a rightful King, and also show her tits a lot. She is a very influential character, and she is supposed to bring Jon Snow back, so everyone is sort of “pro-Melisandre” right now.

One man, who also arrived at Castle Black just hours ahead of Melisandre, is our boy THE ONION KNIGHT!!!! Davos, as is his real name, was the right hand man to Stannis Baratheon up until Stannis dies in the finale. Davos is a compassionate character who seemed to represent the last bit of sanity in Stannis’ operation, often times derailing the more radical plans that Stannis and Melisandre may have set in place.

Now, one of those plans that Davos was NOT there to derail, was the HORRIBLE scene where Shireen was burned to death. Shireen, who was Stannis’ daughter, was burned alive per the orders of Melisandre, and was truly one of the most horrific scenes in the series thus far. If you remember correctly, Davos and Shireen shared a very special relationship, originating back when Shireen was teaching Davos to read. Davos loved Shireen, and he (to this point) has no idea she was burned by Melisandre.

I believe this conflict will play a huge role in the season 6 debut on Sunday night, and here is how:

Jon Snow will come back to life if he is not burned very soon. That is just the way this world works. Wights, or “The Undead” are the blue eyed people who you saw rise up at the end of Hardhome. They are the walking dead type people. So, knowing this, and also knowing that everyone else at Castle Black knows this, people will be trying to burn Jon Snows body probably from the minute we open on Sunday night. Davos, who has yet to learn about Jon’s death, will be wildly opposed to this, and as we see in this clip from the trailer he is ready to avenge

screen shot 2016-03-08 at 3.31.33 pm

 

So, the original conflict will revolve around Davos and his attempts to fight off the men at Castle Black who are attempting to burn Jon’s body. Ghost is lying by the body and Davos is bearing Jon’s sword, shit is going to go down. The most interesting part of this, for me at least, is what will happen afterwards.

Davos presumably knows that Melisandre has the ability to bring back Jon and will seek her out. Melisandre, knowing that Jon has King’s blood, will oblige. This is where the acting will escalate the scene and possibly lead us to the focal point of episode 1, and it’s major conflict.

Davos will, somehow, learn that Melisandre has killed Shireen in horrific fashion. He will then be faced with a MASSIVE dilemma. He will want to kill Melisandre, but he wants Jon alive. If Jon comes back as a Wight, things could go horrible for everyone involved. Davos will be forced to make a decision.

My prediction: Davos will kill Melisandre right before she revives Jon Snow, Snow’s eyes open a sharp shade of blue, he kills Davos, and episode 1 ends.

Fucking imagine that?

Establishing Jon as the “Ice” part of Ice and Fire could begin to shore up the picture for the final (eventual) battle where White Walkers take on Dragons led by Dany. Jon has no reason to believe in mankind, and I think his acting in the final episodes of Season 5 show that he is a man with nothing left. Ollie, that fuck, probably erased any hope Jon had.

I miss Ygritte you guys…

 

by Mikey

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