THRONES SEASON PREVIEW

THRONES SEASON PREVIEW

WOW! (pun intended) — well, well, ladies and beers – THE DAY IS HERE. What a year it’s been, Killian finished high school after 27 years, Mike had a baby, and I learned how to read just in time for the Trump campaign. I’m really happy that I’m writing this from Boston’s head on my apartment roof on an 80 degree day, 80 degrees, folks. Winter might be coming to Westeros, but it certainly didn’t come to America this year. Thanks a lot, Al.

Any whoo, we’re going topics on personal opinion from where they’re at to where we see them going.

Valar more wine.

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JON AIN’T DEAD

Jake: First red band trailer back in March was fucking LIT, needless to say – any and everything Thrones related (from HBO) since has been much in the same. Consistent action packing, basically, would be a criminally severe understatement. Relative to he who knows nothing, the red lady is my easy winner. Painful as it was to see on screen, I finally gained a certain gratitude at reaching ground level with show only watchers of GOT, able to speak entirely free of spoiler fear. Here’s where I’m at: never forget that George R.R. Martin is a weird old dude who writes about a fantasy world where twelve year olds get married to midgets against the will of both parties – suffice it to say under these circumstances that the goodness, depth of Jon’s character is likely the most redeeming quality Martin grants himself from a storytelling perspective. Yes, the show and book are different, but one does not exist without the other, and so…

The web is complex – and nothing is certain. What is? Jon’s resurgence. Story makes no sense other wise. I’ll stand eye to eye with Martin and his New Mexico shack and floppy weiner’s any day of the week and say it loud – kid ain’t dead. You saw Melisandre’s hand on his forehead, you see her say she was all wrong about Stannis. The theory is confirmed – we can only wait. Related but not – that’s a bit of a fiasco to be left at the wall, so, what the fuuuuuuck is gonna happen there?

Mikey: I also think it’s safe to say JON IS BACK BITCHES. The next step at the wall will be determined basically by the Jon narrative and its time frame. Will Jon lay slain long enough for a power struggle to take place? I believe so. Which, therefore, makes his eventual return even more interesting seeing which faction and role he becomes a part of. I think the most interesting piece in the aftermath of his death to watch will be just how tightly the door is shut behind him, and if he is able to resume any of his life post-return.

Killian: All signs point to Jon’s return, which means he won’t. But we’ve come to expect this type of ambiguity, so he’s definitely returning. What will an unbound Jon Snow have to give to Westeros? The wildlings have seen it all so from what we all can assume, so a guy returning from the dead is just another day. Melisandre knew Jon is the truth the moment she arrived to Castle Black, signs point to some good ‘ole blood magic. The state of the Wall will be a definite toss-up, it looks like Davos is going to fight his way out of there. If Davos has LongClaw for the time being (watch end of trailer), then at least we know valyrian steel is in the right hands. Lord Snow has what it takes to lead the free folks, and the star power to lay waste to those who hold the North. If he wakes up…

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SUP, GREYJOYS?

Jake: So the Greyjoys along with the rest of steely eyed iron islanders worship what’s called the drowned god. This is an obscurity in the north because they’re the only kingdom in that region that doesn’t take stock in the old gods – a big point of conflict when Theon first returned home in Season 1 after being hostage/squire at the Stark household for his youth. The drowned god is said to have plucked fire from the sea, yadda, yadda – and is worshiped in physical nature of the iron islanders by undergoing its namesake or, being drowned in some fashion. What I want to know is this – does Theon have the pluck after Ramsay’s torture to lead the Iron Islands against a hilariously corrupt south, moreover, would saner members of his family see the value in his succeeding his soon to be late father Balon? I don’t think he does – and this is namely why it’s tight as fuuuuuuck that we get some Asha or Yara or whatever shots looking dressed for battle in the previews HBO has released – we also get a shot of lunatic shot Euron/Crow’s Eye on a bridge in the rain (killing Balon) and getting dunked (drowned) in a ritualistic fashion…KINGSMOOT BABY.

Mikey: Picture this: Theon leads the Iron Islands against the south, returning the Greyjoy’s to pride and glory. He takes the place of Balon, and all is right. Now, picture none of that happeneing, as Theon gets in the position to restore his sanity and purpose only to murmur REEEEEEK repeatedly as he smashes the legacy of the Greyjoys one by one like Orson smashed those fucking beetles. But, you never know, dickless heroes may eventually emerge from all corners of the RR Martin Express.

Killian: The Greyjoys are like those distant family relatives you don’t tell your friends about. Own rituals, brother fingers sister on a horse…just some “place you on a watch list” type of behavior. If Theon returned that means he had to have done well enough to convince them all he’s Theon.The Kingsmoot will happen, I wonder if all the family will return or they’ll combine characters into one for HBO sake. Who’d Theon pawn Sansa too?

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JORAH’S SUUUUUUUUCH A NICE GUY

Jake: King of the friendzone Mormot caught a tough one with Dany flying off on Drogon post attempted assassination at the pit in Mereen. We see old Jorah, as ever, riding forward on the steed with a good man at this side. His kneel and turning over the ring in the grassy knoll where the Dorthraki overtook Dany held shades of Dawsons creek and calls to mind several questions. Not the first of which is how Tyrion will handle him now that he’s head of the ship in Mereen, who will Daario take to, and how quickly will the fighting pits be reopened? All of these matter because, as Tyrion’s voice heads us up in the preview…he’s very much “in the great big game” which Jorah, I doubt, has any interest in. Much like Brienne, he lives to serve the one he loves, cruel twists of fate (he’s not a great guy, she’s pretty morally sound) she’s alive…and not down to hang in the sheets. Dany’s off to Vaes Dothrak – it’s plain to see where that’s going…what the fuck is Jorah gonna do?

Mikey: Listen, man, Jorah isn’t that hard of a guy to figure out. For what I lack in reading comprehension and sheer man hours dedicated to Wiki of Ice and Fire, I make up for in my knowledge of irrational male behavior regarding females. George “Georgie” Martin wrote this character in to be simple, predictable, and dependable. He did not create a complex character in fucking JORAH. This guy’s in love. Like, 13 old boy got his first handie love. Except he never got anything, AND she’s screwing the captain of the football team. Whatever, all I am trying to say is whatever he does won’t be a mystery. If you take circa 5 minutes and really sit down before each episode and say, “If I were Jorah and literally nothing else mattered but Khaleesi, what would he do next?”. There is your answer, now go get your girl Jorah. You beautiful old man, you.

Killian: Jorah the explorer off again, love the little Lord of the Rings moment when Jorah picked up Dany’s ring (Viggo Mortensen did it better). I have no idea what will eat him up, his love or grey-scale. Traveling with with Tyrion is one thing, especially since he was Jorah’s prisoner. But traveling with a silver-tongued smart ass like Daario? Especially since Jorah knows what he did with that tongue (He’s not an idiot). Dany entering Vaes Dothrak was pretty sweet, I’m sure Drogon will make another timely appearance because we all know how expensive CGI is.

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SO…HOW ABOUT THAT RIDE IN?

Killian: How long is a boat ride from the Water Gardens to King’s Landing? Cause Myrcella was dead for like 98% of that trip. We’ve heard a vindictive Jaime from time to time, but sounds like he actually meant it when speaking to Cersei. Maybe it was just something to get back in her good graces, but she looks dead inside so whatever. We pretty much know that Cersei is on the warpath, she’s got champion so it looks like we have a trial by combat coming soon. Remember what Qyburn said, “the profits may change” (creepy little foot fetish guy). Bronn has cheated death for Lannisters before, he had a breaking point with Tyrion. Where where it be with Jaime.

Mikey: If the boat Myrcella and Jaime were on was traveling at the same pace the boat Jon was on sailing away from Hardhome, this ride will probably continue well into season 7:

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Jake: Big news, the show got renewed – incase anyone was concerned. Myrcella is dead, this is simultaneously irrlevant and fucking ridiculous. I think it’s a safe vantage to have that season 5 was tops for fuck-ed-ness in terms of, general human rights violations on characters. Does it get worse than the dialogue before Myrcella drank the poison?

Jamie speaking to his daughter (Myrcella) who’s supposed to be his niece but isn’t because he fucks his sociopathic sister and everyone knows but no one does anything because GRRM likes writing about incest and death.

Jamie : “Hey Myrcella – big secret here but um I always ignored you because I didn’t want people to know I was your real dad.”

Myrcella : “Why uncle Jamie?”

J : “Because your mom is my sister.”

M : “Oh, right. That’s illegal. Well if it makes you feel any better I always knew and tbh I’m happy about it because I’m an incestual child to a murderous lunatic half queen, so this is like, right up my alley…but I’m your daughter so you already knew that, didn’t you?”

J : “Totes – love you too, really glad we could resolve this on good terms given you’re about to be taken captive by our families biggest enemies a world away from my sisterlover aka your mom. Say, is that wine?”

M : *BOOM I’M DEAD*  

-SCENE-

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Arya and That Creepy Place with Weird Music

Mikey: So, aside from every girl saying, “I think i’m closest to Arya in real life” every two seconds, the female-Stark-who-you’d-sleep-with-last is having a bit of an issue where we left her last. Blinded by the Many Faced God, last seen void of pupils, Arya is going to be interesting to watch this season. Her character, for all the relatability, is someone who genuinely is a wildcard in every sense of the word. She has the capability of taking out MAJOR characters this season regardless of her identity. Think back to jaqen h’ghar and his ability as a killer, because this is the path Arya is following. This type of supernatural predator being built around the mind of a girl who watched her life get ripped apart by the injustice of force is the recipe for a loose cannon. She is a humanized Chekov’s gun, she WILL kill someone important, checking names off her list one by one…

Jake: Sleep with last, Mike? Do you mean to tell me this isn’t doing it for you?

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(S/O HBO and Entertainment magazine cause THIS AIN’T MY PICTURE)

On a maybe-not-at-all serious note – Arya’s not the best storyline, but her locale is one of the most interesting on several fronts having to do with her sister, creepy pete Baelish, and the ever fluctuating Lannister fallout (more later). To the point – I’ve been convinced since hot pie was baking animal cakes that  jaqen h’ghar had a greater purpose to serve, but I don’t know anymore – the many faced may just be that, a single souled manifestation taking over wrought human forms with no perceptible goals save that of its own views on who deserves to die. I say this because of the story scope and the well documented knowledge Benioff and Weiss have had since the shows outset – scenes in show become chapters of text, and she left that stupid little sword on under the rock for a reason. I think this chance will be her last, because she’s got people to kill AS SOMEONE….

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 BAELISH IS COLLEGE AGED TED CRUZ WITH AN IQ AND LESS VIDEO CAMERAS

Jake: You saw the video, if you didn’t :

What’s Baelish doing? Oh, plotting the rise of Bravoos. Bravoos, where Arya’s currently staying. Bravoos, where the Iron Bank is. Why does that matter? What’s it mean for Pete?

A refresher :

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Sansa – giving that tight ass monologue in season 4. I can’t embed but hit the “LINK” below and watch the first 10 seconds of this scene for context.

“LINK”

Visual context in series has come twice – once inside in season 4 :

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(Davos, doing Davos shit in season 4 @ The Iron Bank while Stannis was still alive – what are you doing, Stanny? Seeing how many child soldiers sort of related to you you can stuff in that wall?)

And once briefly last season, outside, Arya looking on at Mace Tyrell and ser Trent – juuuuust before :

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SOOOO….

The iron bank is essentially the intersection of a tax free swiss hideaway and the US Fed in Westeros speak – if you can get the loan, they’re generous as hell, but (we haven’t seen this yet) rumor has it they actually will kill you if the sum and resulting interests go unpaid for too long. This matters because our ‘ol friend Pete, whose whereabouts are currently sketchy as they’ve ever been, is from the “free city” of Bravoos. He’s a slave, a commoner, who came from nothing to rise to a position of power – but loose allusions his heritage in show and book cannot go unnoticed. Why’s this matter? Because he fucking hates everyone save Caitlyn Stark or women who sort of resemble Caitlyn Stark aka the Lannisters aka he was the master of coin (treasurer) for quite a long time at ‘ol kings landing…who does “the crown” currently owe a dick load of money to via Baelish’s Steve-O Rise and Demise esque borrowing strategy? The Iron Bank. He’s coming home, presumably with Sansa whenever she finds her way out of the woods (out of the woods yeah are we out of the woods yeah) with stupid Theon. Who’s gonna kill the bastard? One of the Stark girls, maybe both…

Mike: Honestly, I don’t really like Lemon Cake. I find his plot line expired. He should take that little fortress in the middle of nowhere and just chill out til a dragon or white walker eventually destroys it.


By The Open Field Staff

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