Writers note: was once told over dinner, within six months of graduating college, “oh, you’re a writer, so you hate your life?” – this is a pretty accurate depiction of that kind of question.
Up there, yeah, yep – that’s the faithless, elusive – M. Night Shyamalan who, to an innocent bystander probably just looks like another random indian man. Albiet a well dressed one, exuding some modes of self confidence, with the budget for a real high res photographer. Point is that – he’s an artist and, weirdly enough, a really well known one. We all know why.
Totally, sure thing you fucking dumbass, (this is thousand percent biting me in the ass whenever I have kids) I see dead people too. Point being – as a film maker, Shyamalan is a one hit wonder who, weirdly, most folks 20-26 as it stands right now are really willing to pull for. I think it’s a direct result of The Sixth Sense and no I don’t know why, I don’t call film cinema and I won’t stand to give “cultured” reviews like some cheese eating non tip leaving asshole who forgets to tell you his father doesn’t have a trust fund but – you know, these are movies, and he made an impression.
The world is kind of weird these days and I stand by the fact that Shyamalan capitalized on what’s now an easily perceived lull in the film industry in general, with horror films of non – epic proportions. You know, Lady In The Water, The Village, all that shit – I’m listening to Drake as I’m typing this and his tone feels regal relative to what I’m writing about – that should tell you all you need to know about our little Night.
Anyway – Shyamalan has dipped into T.V. recently – probably unbeknownst to you and…spoiler alert….it’s not that good.
Wayward Pines is the FOX adaptation of author Blake Crouch’s bestselling trilogy Pines (wether or not it was bestselling prior to the shows premiere is unclear) by none other than executive producer M. Night Shyamalan.
Wayward Pines is legitimately the worst fucking show I’ve ever watched start to finish and as I sat last summer vomiting through the final clips of the finale I was sure as fucking shit that I’d never see this show again. And then…
Oh, who’s that? The secret male agent (they’re both secret agents – WOW! CRAZY!) who goes to Wayward Pines to search for his lost female partner (spoiler – they were fucking while not married oh my fucking god no fucking way !!!!!) before realizing that Wayward Pines isn’t what he thinks, and that, he might have to fight to get out alive.
Nothing really happens save a consistent running from Michael Meyers feeling and dialogue sequences like :
“NO BEN! You can’t go outside, we don’t know what’s out there!”
“But mom, there’s no food in the house – “
“Dad’s ex mistress is here too.”
“Ok let’s go kill the sheriff and leave.”
That’s not really what happens but yeah Terrance Howard the sheriff gets run into a fence by a truck at the end of episode three before dude secret agent turned sheriff (you know, because he killed him so he got his job) gives up the town because he won’t follow the big brother rules and he inadvertently gets his kids girlfriend killed (dick) and blows a bunch of other shit up before the season ends with a bunch of revolutionary adults hanging from light posts the morning after the apocalypse zombie things get inside.
Did you say apocalypse zombie things? Oh, right, that’s the point – all the people in the town are a science experiment some 2000 years (absolutely pulling this time frame out of my ass) after the end of human civilization save this weird sub-sect of zombies with fangs and the build/vertical of Lebron that (shocker) wants to kill everything? Anyway that’s the point of wayward – that the people running it are supposedly acting in altruism by waking up cryogenically frozen humans in waves to try and make the town work x.no of years in the future before they’re like FUCK THIS I’M OUT and die or revolt or something and another wave has to happen.
Does this show sound fucking horrible? Good. Because it is. But somehow, some way, it got renewed for a second season. I haven’t watched it yet – but like the car crash you can’t stop staring at – you can bet I will be. Wayward Pines waits for no man, just because you don’t want shit television doesn’t mean you don’t need it.FOLLOW THE OPEN FIELD