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Month: January 2017

Atlanta wins and other Golden Globes stuff

Atlanta wins and other Golden Globes stuff

I’ll let my dude Keith Stanfield, aka Darius, express how I feel about both Atlanta and Donald Glover winning a Golden Globe last night:

So Atlanta won Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy over the likes of Black-ish and Transparent, which was awesome and made me happy. And Donald Glover won Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy over they likes of Anthony Anderson and Jeffrey Tambor, which was also very awesome and made me very happy.

I have written a lot about what made Atlanta the best show on TV this year, so all I’ll say is that it was nice to see this super dope show be awarded for being super dope. Oh, and Glover’s speeches were perfect. Find both of them if you can.

One more thing: I love Zazie Beetz so much.

* * *

So, the rest of the awards, for me, fell somewhere between “that’s dumb” and “who cares.” A lot of that had to do with my not seeing the respective winning show/movie (good thing I’m writing this, huh?), but some of it had to do with awards shows being mostly stupid and useless.

The Night Manager winning a bunch of awards is a good place to start. It’s a British show originally broadcast on BBC before being picked up by AMC. It stars Tom Hiddleston and Hugh Laurie, which, fine. But, as far as I can tell, it wasn’t that great and wasn’t expected to win many, if any, Golden Globes. Let’s take a look at the categories it did win, and what should have won instead.

The Night Manager was listed as a Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Hugh Laurie won Best Supporting Actor, which is the only one I’m OK with even though I would have gone with Sterling K. Brown from The People v. O.J. Simpson. However, Brown, and his show, won some Emmy’s last year so, whatever.

Olivia Colman won Best Supporting Actress. This Is Us had two nominees in this category, but that show is basically pandering in the form of a TV show so all of its nominees can take a hike. Who should have won? Lena Headey from Game of Thrones is always deserving imho, and would’ve been a better choice than Colman, but Thandie Newton was a force of nature on Westworld. She was robbed.

This leads us to the worst award of the night: Tom Hiddleston winning Best Actor in a Limited Series/Movie for TV over both Riz Ahmed and John Turturro. Hiddleston, although I enjoyed his portrayal of Loki in the Avengers films, is akin to having a single piece of white bread for dinner. I really enjoyed The Night Of, and it should have won for best Limited Series over OJ, and Ahmed and Turturro were super duper fantastic in it.

A key thing to remember about the Globes: they are awarded by the Hollywood Foreign Press, with Foreign being the key word. They appeared to have chosen the British show by default. Which they also did for Best TV Drama, selecting The Crown – Boresville, am I right? – over GoT and, and this is unforgivable, Stranger Things. Boy did I love Stranger ThingsIt really irks me when everyone else on Earth does not love the same things I do.

* * *

On the Movies side of things, La La Land cleaned up as expected. Moonlight was a surprise as best Drama over Manchester By the Sea (I really dug Hell or High Water and encourage you to watch it if you have not). I look forward to seeing each of these at some point as well as seeing how they do at the Oscars.

I wanted Colin Ferrell to win for The Lobster because he was great in it, and that movie was a dark comedy masterpiece, but Ryan Gosling is cool too, I suppose. My biggest beef in Movies was Isabelle Huppert winning for Elle over my girl Amy Adams for Arrival. Again, this probably had a lot to do with who voted for these things. Elle won best Foreign Language Motion Picture, but come on you guys.

Finally: Viola Davis and Meryl Streep are both the realest. And did you know Tom Ford, the clothes designer guy, was the screenwriter and director of Nocturnal Animals? Weird.

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NFL PLAYOFF PODCAST SPECIAL ft. Cousin Luke

NFL PLAYOFF PODCAST SPECIAL ft. Cousin Luke

Mikey is back and he takes the lead this week in a Podcast special with first time guest, Cousin Luke.

They break down the upcoming slate of NFL Wildcard games, the MVP debate, and even their biggest surprises of the season. Luke is an NFL expert with his own podcast you can find out about in the audio. Enjoy!

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chainsmokers bring out the backstreet boys aaaaaand man i hate these guys

chainsmokers bring out the backstreet boys aaaaaand man i hate these guys

This happened last week in LA somewhere. For what it’s worth I was always a team nsync guy but anyone currently in their 20’s is a flat out liar if they say they don’t belt it out to “i want it that way” when it comes on. beers or no is irrelevant, a legitimately enjoyable song to enjoy solo or with a crowd.

Anyway – the chainsmokers continue to be a really easy to hate flame that just won’t die because every time you slip up the physical interaction is out of this world. I want to strangle the shit out of these guys for their billboard interviews and the fact that adobe paid them 80k for a cancelled event but good lord everything they put out – HITS. Sure – there are more talented dj’s in the world, you don’t need to try and tool out behind a deck to realize that – but anything dominating the pop main stream that’s gonna feature instagram models in their videos instead of taylor swifts crazy ass mug is fine by me. plus their audience is way too drugged up to have an annoying twitter presence – shit on them all you want the only people you’re like to hear back from are the scrawny white dudes themselves.

 

 

anyway – fuck these guys. so much hair gel in that dressing room between them and nick carter. jesus christ.

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Joe Mixon Declares for the NFL Draft

Joe Mixon Declares for the NFL Draft

The controversial Mixon finished his college career in Oklahoma’s Sugar Bowl win over Auburn, scoring two touchdowns and gaining 180 yards from scrimmage — 91 rushing on 19 carries and 89 receiving on five catches.

Mixon finished the season with 1,274 yards and 10 touchdowns rushing and 538 yards and five touchdowns receiving. Mixon is a third-year sophomore who is eligible for the draft.

On ability alone, ESPN NFL draft analyst Mel Kiper Jr. ranks Mixon as his fifth-highest-rated running back behind Leonard Fournette, Dalvin Cook, D’Onta Foreman and Christian McCaffrey. But Mixon is not on Kiper’s big board or his list of top 10 running backs in his latest ranking.

In 2014, a five-star recruit out of the Oakley, Calif., Mixon was captured on videotape punching a woman in a deli in Norman, Okla. The punch broke her jaw, eye socket and cheekbone.

This dude is actually a scumbag.  A full-fledged womanizing, violent scumbag.  It’s difficult and dangerous to spin Mixons’ initial assault incident that makes this news relevant into anything other than despicable.  Bob Stoops talking about his just punishment and then playing him in OU’s bowl game on national television did nothing but cement the perpetually tone deaf Brent Musberger further as appointment television.  In Mixons case, it allowed all of America to view him as the abuser who plays to the crowd when called an abuser.  Asking for a raise in volume when chants of “He beats women” are thrown at you makes you the lowest form of human life.

You should view this strictly as a grenade going into the NFL draft.  Mixon has appeared to lack remorse for his actions, instead appearing to glorify them on national television.  This is the kind of guy “The Shield” needs to bring the hammer down on, if he even makes it to the league.  Ideally, a referendum from the league to the teams–“If any of you idiots draft this asshole, I’ll make you play the Patriots 16 times next year.”  Speaking of referendum, the timing of this declaration seems like a colossal middle finger to the NFL.  Nixon has to be hyper-aware of the NFL’s “stance” against domestic violence and violence against women, and takes it seriously enough to glorify his own actions and then subsequently declare for the draft.  He is challenging the league to take a harder stance than they have.

He recognizes that this is the same league that furiously litigated over the validity of the natural gas law in the Supreme Court in order to upheld a suspension on Tom Brady that was equal in games missed to Greg Hardy’s suspension.  Tom Brady did not do this to his girlfriend.

This is a league where a clean-cut, conference best pass rusher Michael Sam could not stay in the league because of his sexuality.  The kind of contradictions this abhorrent human could present and the public relations nightmare he could cause for the NFL alone should be grounds for Roger Goodell hiring wet work.  What is Ray Rice thinking as he campaigns against domestic violence and this idiot plays to the crowd like Mick Jagger as the internet circulates his assault video?

Whoever is advising Mixon is a little under qualified to be advising athletes.  In some ways, it is in contrast to Cardale Jones not declaring after his run to the National Championship game with Ohio State.  He ended up returning to school and splitting time with JT Barrett and hurting his draft stock.  Mixon is declaring pro in one of the deeper running back classes in recent memory after a YouTube video of him going Raging Bull on a woman while people around him order off the value menu.  Know when to hold your hand, Joe.

 

 

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delayed – mother tucker

delayed – mother tucker

MotherTucker is at it again. Merry Christmas, everyone.

A few nights ago Tucker Carlson had Asian American and Harvard alum Jay Chen on his show to discuss affirmative action. The catalyst for the debate was a Princeton study which claimed that when compared to Blacks and Latinos, Asian and White applicants must score considerably higher on their SATs in order to gain admission into Harvard. In essence, Carlson asserted that affirmative action has made it harder for qualified and deserving Asians and Whites to get into the Ivy League institution.

“But if racial discrimination is wrong, and I believe it is, then it’s just wrong. There’s a moral element here.”

In Carlson’s attempt to solidify affirmative action as a racist, Liberal machination, he let those words proudly slip out of his mouth and into the ears of his listeners. From Tucker’s perspective, Harvard has made acceptance easier for Blacks and Latinos and in doing so, has marginalized qualified Whites and Asians. He labeled this racist. And you know what? He’s right. Choosing who gains admission into a university based on skin color is racist. But, to criticize affirmative action as being discriminative and therefore question its existence completely ignores the rationale behind it. Let’s look at some facts about the Harvard population pool and learn why Tucker Carlson is way off the mark here.

First things first, Tucker has inexplicably only addressed one half of this conversation: race. What is missing from this discussion is socioeconomics. How a mainstream commentator such as Tucker fails to mention this is not only confounding but, inexcusable. According to Harvard’s very own newspaper the majority of first-generation college students at the university were non-white (date from the 2015 graduation class). Only 20% of these first-generation, minority students have a family income over $80,000. Compare that to a whopping 80% of legacies who have a family income over $80,000. What is even more shocking is that 93% of Harvard legacies are white! So, what is the synopsis in layman’s terms?

The Crimson admits a little more than 5% of their applicants every year. Yet, they admit around 30% of their legacies. Legacies are 93% white. Are you seeing the math here? Not only is the legacy population overwhelmingly White, they are overwhelmingly more financially stable than their counterparts. It appears as though Harvard has a way of admitting Whites despite affirmative action and quotas. When Jay Chen mentioned this Carlson, he merely responded by saying Chen’s statement was a “non sequitur.”

If you are a legacy applicant at Harvard, the odds are you are White and come from a financially well-to-do family. The numbers back that up. Your chance at getting into Harvard is also 25 percentage points higher than someone who is not a legacy. The connections between Harvard’s acceptance criteria to race and socioeconomic class are not only evident but, sickening. What’s more sickening is that Carlson purposely precluded Chen from making this argument. Carlson asked Chen: “Is it racial discrimination to not let somebody into college based on his race?” Chen responded by firstly agreeing then mentioning legacies. Sensing that Chen could use the legacy argument to gain the upper hand, Carlson acutely cut him off once again using his new favorite phrase, “non sequitur.” He also added that Chen was dodging the question, despite Chen agreeing with Carlson only moments ago.

So what are we seeing here on Fox News? Earlier this week, Bill O’Reilly claimed Democrats were attempting to devalue the vote of the White Establishment by opposing the Electoral College. Not only did O’Reilly acknowledge that America has a White Establishment, he supported its continued political dominance by attempting to expose this Liberal assault. This was followed by Carlson attacking affirmative action because it excluded too many Whites from Harvard. When Chen brought up the fact that affirmative action exists to even out a playing field in which White students begin with a head start, Carlson actually laughed. If you have made it this far into this article (read: rant) then do yourself a favor and watch this video. Go to the 10:00 mark and witness Tucker casually laughing off the idea of White privilege.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Fox News has officially adopted the nationalist movement and all of its bigoted accoutrements as their new political platform. Get ready, it will be a long and bumpy ride until 2020.

To be clear, I do not think that affirmative action is a perfect system; a notion that Chen asserted himself during his debate. As Tucker stated, the system makes innocent teenagers pay for the sins of their parents; sins which manifested in setbacks and roadblocks known as Jim Crow and slavery. How Tucker can laugh off the idea of white privilege while acknowledging the effects of Jim Crow is a discussion for another date and time. However, I agree with the man. It is not fair for White children with higher SAT scores to be denied acceptance in Harvard while less qualified non-Whites are admitted.

But Whites in America are hardly in a place to complain about fairness. Whites didn’t suffer through slavery and sharecropping. Whites don’t break out in a cold sweat when a police officer pulls us over. Whites don’t get shot for wearing a hoodie. Whites didn’t risk their life for their country only to return home and be told they still can’t vote. Whites didn’t inspire Billie Holiday to sing “Strange Fruit.” And you can be damn sure that Whites weren’t the motivation behind COINTELPRO.

So if Winton Prepschool IV has to cry because he now has to go to Swarthmore, his back up school, then I am okay with it. After all, education is the only surefire connection to upwards social mobility. Come on fellows Whites, we can suck this up and allow for an entire race to gain equal footing for once. Let’s try and get Tucker Carlson on board…

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what should happen in 2017

what should happen in 2017

Smell ya later, 2016.

 

The New Year is here and I have an unreasonable amount of optimism. Is it because House of Cards will return with a new season? Or is it because there will be some real life House of Cards drama going on at 1600 Penn? The answer is ‘yes’ to both. Regardless, if some minute, simple things occur in 2017, the year will undoubtedly be a success. Here they are.

 

More “Calling a spade a spade”

 

This comes with a condition. I am officially granting everyone the ability to keep it real as long as there is some moral justice behind it. What do I mean? Let’s call the Alt-Right what it is: racist xenophobes. Sure, some Alt-Righters might get their feelings hurt but who cares. They are angry nationalists who subscribe to social Darwinism and phrenology. There is a limit here, though. Fellas, pretend your ex-girlfriend posts a bikini picture with the caption ‘sandy cheeks.’ Does she really thing we care about the sand on her bum? No. She is reveling in her newfound social liberty and peacocking for all to see. Does this mean you can text her and call her a ‘thot?’ No.

Keep it real but, only on things that truly matter.

 

Less Uber complaints

 

If I had a dime for every time someone complained to me about their Uber driver, I would buy the business and give each driver a bonus. There are worse things in this world then having a conversation with a random person. You’re mad because you just want to get to the club and the Uber guy asked ‘Hey how’s your night?’ Stop. As some poor sucker has to spend his weekend nights transporting drunk kids from place to place, the least you can do is be a freaking human being. No one dreams of being an Uber driver when they grow up. Put a smile on, chug that last nip, then ask him or her where their accent is from.

 

More ‘Mic’ stuff

 

One time at McDonalds, I heard a man go up to one of the employees and ask what the password was for the ‘McWifi.” Absolutely hilarious. As if the wifi is served between two buns with mac sauce. If I want to get through 2017, I am going to need much, much more of this. My personal goal is to use these specific phrases in 2017:

 

‘Hey, where is your McBathroom?’

‘Let me get a large McFry with some McHoney mustard sauce.’

‘At what time do you guys McClose the drive-thru?’

‘Where is the closest ramp to the McHighway?’

 

A Nickname for Drake and Jenifer Lopez

 

Here’s what doesn’t work:

Jizzy

Dra-Lo

Jenny from the Block and Drizzy from the Dot

Jrake

Saint Dropez

 

I am still taking applications. Send them in.

 

More Straighttothepointness

 

Ladies, pay close attention. I am done playing the social media games. I have done the ‘like wars’ on IG. We have all flirted via Snapchat and Twitter. But we are in 2017 now and I am a grown man. If I throw you a DM because you seem cute, embrace it. There are some good guys out there who can only access you through social media. Do not get creeped out. We are millennials. It is ok to flirt like them too.

 

You know who else needs to be straight to the point? Employers. Are you really taking applications or is the job lined up for someone’s nephew? If nepotism is your thing, that is perfectly fine. After all, it’s not what you know rather, it’s who you know. Just do me a solid and let me know beforehand before I get excited over an opportunity then you break my heart. Yes, I am looking at you, Teach For America.

 

Bartenders fit into this category as well. Cut to the chase and tell me that the new IPA on tap costs $9.00 a glass. If that’s the case then I will buy two, let you keep the change from a $20 and rethink my life on the ride home. At the end of the day, I am not at the bar to casually sip Knob Creek neat while reading Michel Foucault. Let me know how expensive everything is because I am irrationally frugal and am looking to save some cash. If I have to reread the bill while doing forensic accounting like Andy Dufresne, then you have let me down Mr. Bartender.

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if you don’t respect coach k going full old guy you don’t know how to laugh

if you don’t respect coach k going full old guy you don’t know how to laugh

A few weeks back Duke star junior guard ted cruz’s tallest sperm with hands Grayson Allen was suspended indefinitely by old rat face mike for blatantly tripping some kid on Elon. Third time this has happened in a year – and he proceeded to throw a major temper tantrum on the bench with ESPN camera’s focused squarely on him. The suspension was the right move, says everyone with brain, and it likely shouldn’t have taken that long to happen.

 

However – say what you will about Duke basketball – you have got to love said indefinite suspension lasting one. fucking. game. Allen game back to start tonight against Georgia Tech – almost choked on my dinner tonight when I saw this, thought it was troll city by some social media manager even I would be inclined to bully.

To the point – among the long list of things coach k has built in his illustrious career from west point bobby knight protege to probable most powerful man in usa basketball the most impressive has been intangible. his charisma. say what you will about him looking like an oversized vermin in a suit – the dude has always walked his walk well enough to piss off everybody without leaving clear holes to be attacked. smart as can be. but he’s getting old, and likely soft – because if even scheyer (granted, allens way more talented) does that shit six years ago he’s not playing the second half and is suspended in the post game presser – for more than a game. anyway yeah coach k is getting old and will be the last in this era of great college coaches who we’ll see lose their cool. calhoun, boeheim, guess you gotta throw cal in there given the current 1 and done landscape he shoved down everyones throats with an aau A47, have all been batshit insane on the national stage. K? Not so much, save the passable shit.

 

Allen gets suspended for a game for straight up embarrassing himself and the program, i for one am shocked, a little annoyed – but mostly juiced up, because we’re closer than we’ve ever been to drunk old guy krzyzewski and you’re a god damn liar if you don’t wanna hear the shit coming out of that guys mouth.

 

did he make scheyer and capel sign a pact to murder him in front of a room of reporters if he ever slips into talking about the witch hunts bobby knight used to bring him on in the woods surrounding west point campus? probably a triple homicide lurking in that friendship somewhere.

 

p.s. real convenient he’s taking a month hiatus for back surgery after this game – board of trustees is a hundo p giving him a lobotomy.

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