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Author: Jake

chainsmokers bring out the backstreet boys aaaaaand man i hate these guys

chainsmokers bring out the backstreet boys aaaaaand man i hate these guys

This happened last week in LA somewhere. For what it’s worth I was always a team nsync guy but anyone currently in their 20’s is a flat out liar if they say they don’t belt it out to “i want it that way” when it comes on. beers or no is irrelevant, a legitimately enjoyable song to enjoy solo or with a crowd.

Anyway – the chainsmokers continue to be a really easy to hate flame that just won’t die because every time you slip up the physical interaction is out of this world. I want to strangle the shit out of these guys for their billboard interviews and the fact that adobe paid them 80k for a cancelled event but good lord everything they put out – HITS. Sure – there are more talented dj’s in the world, you don’t need to try and tool out behind a deck to realize that – but anything dominating the pop main stream that’s gonna feature instagram models in their videos instead of taylor swifts crazy ass mug is fine by me. plus their audience is way too drugged up to have an annoying twitter presence – shit on them all you want the only people you’re like to hear back from are the scrawny white dudes themselves.

 

 

anyway – fuck these guys. so much hair gel in that dressing room between them and nick carter. jesus christ.

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if you don’t respect coach k going full old guy you don’t know how to laugh

if you don’t respect coach k going full old guy you don’t know how to laugh

A few weeks back Duke star junior guard ted cruz’s tallest sperm with hands Grayson Allen was suspended indefinitely by old rat face mike for blatantly tripping some kid on Elon. Third time this has happened in a year – and he proceeded to throw a major temper tantrum on the bench with ESPN camera’s focused squarely on him. The suspension was the right move, says everyone with brain, and it likely shouldn’t have taken that long to happen.

 

However – say what you will about Duke basketball – you have got to love said indefinite suspension lasting one. fucking. game. Allen game back to start tonight against Georgia Tech – almost choked on my dinner tonight when I saw this, thought it was troll city by some social media manager even I would be inclined to bully.

To the point – among the long list of things coach k has built in his illustrious career from west point bobby knight protege to probable most powerful man in usa basketball the most impressive has been intangible. his charisma. say what you will about him looking like an oversized vermin in a suit – the dude has always walked his walk well enough to piss off everybody without leaving clear holes to be attacked. smart as can be. but he’s getting old, and likely soft – because if even scheyer (granted, allens way more talented) does that shit six years ago he’s not playing the second half and is suspended in the post game presser – for more than a game. anyway yeah coach k is getting old and will be the last in this era of great college coaches who we’ll see lose their cool. calhoun, boeheim, guess you gotta throw cal in there given the current 1 and done landscape he shoved down everyones throats with an aau A47, have all been batshit insane on the national stage. K? Not so much, save the passable shit.

 

Allen gets suspended for a game for straight up embarrassing himself and the program, i for one am shocked, a little annoyed – but mostly juiced up, because we’re closer than we’ve ever been to drunk old guy krzyzewski and you’re a god damn liar if you don’t wanna hear the shit coming out of that guys mouth.

 

did he make scheyer and capel sign a pact to murder him in front of a room of reporters if he ever slips into talking about the witch hunts bobby knight used to bring him on in the woods surrounding west point campus? probably a triple homicide lurking in that friendship somewhere.

 

p.s. real convenient he’s taking a month hiatus for back surgery after this game – board of trustees is a hundo p giving him a lobotomy.

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show me the lull

show me the lull

Death has gotten a bad rap this year.

From entertainers to democracy to human decency in Syria – ends known mostly in passing over screens or brief rushes of feeling have served, sort of infinitely, as a mass of unsightly new, same days only just grayer than the previous.

A mind map of 2016 might well be a car stuck idling, mid turn in a crowded 4-way, mixing radio signals push notifications on where to go next.

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Maybe it hasn’t been a bad rap for death so much as it is, more than ever, an information drown. The idea that someone couldn’t win the presidency, that the markets really are stable, that our nations face has been etched anew – not lurking in plain sight all along. In any event – 365 calendar days have passed in similar fashion to last years and, most probably, to the upcoming axis turn(s).

As I write this a former KGB commander and sitting demigod is being praised in less than 140 characters by our president elect. Last week, the north pole rose 50 degrees above its average temperature and my biggest sorrows about missing a snowstorm in my old home amount to a one – how many more? Rather than state the obvious, let us be brief – for your time is short.

Above all else that happened in America the western world this calendar year – one trait sticks out among the masses and blindingly so. Ignorance.

Look around – tea and crumpets subbed for toast and shitty coffee, the brits are just so old, white, and race bait-ing as we’ve always been. Italy’s constitution has been voted to a play-doh like remodel. Austria is the first country to a vote down a far right usurping against liberal, globalist values. They won’t be the last faced with the problem. Anyway – the points simple in that, yes, Donnie Toupee’s campaign and over riding tone have brought about and will continue to bring darker ides from America’s past back to the forefront of the zeitgeist. It sucks but, ya know – boo fucking who. Because the alternative is Iraq, Iran, anywhere in Africa, fucking Russia to boot – civil rights and infrastructure are not universal languages and the fact remains that majorities aside it’s not going to be as easy for Donald to get things done as rabid supporters would assume, we won’t be pulling out of the Paris agreement anytime soon, and Obamacare will exist in 2020 and 2024 – if only under the care of a much whiter foster parent.

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Michelle Obama and BLM are things I’d obviously write about and consider more if I was a black dude – and I’m a firm believer after this year, especially, that playing a given hand doesn’t apply to social norms you’ll never understand via birthright. If Malcolm X couldn’t answer how non-bigoted white people are supposed to act, then let us leave Macklemore to Macklenot.

But if there’s something to consider from this year, manners in which it’s appropriate enough for a real average white dude to do so – hope lives. I think so, anyway, and this is one thing I’m hoping the outgoing first lady is very much wrong about. The point is that we have the internet – fucking everywhere, and Paul McCartney said so I don’t have to – rap, hip-hop, is the music of now. Where-in these things in music and acid tripping festival going shucking of adult responsibilities until 29 idolatries go, it serves to be true that the current shift dominance of mixtape and friend rap culture is a pretty clear corollary to crusty white dude ideals that have just so recently taken things back, or whatever.

Is it a facade? In some fashion – probably, but much like much of the nation found surprise at this election result – the likelihood that the Don will fuel instant satisfaction America to its fever pitch by bringing stop gap jobs back to the rust belt is only greater, and the less easily frightened among the masses, then, are forced to consider the peak of globalization, and what these policies will look like 20 and 30 years down the line. This is all shit, it’s brazenly clear, that HRC did not understand either.

Consider it a gilded age, essentially, if not a perverted fever dream of one. Where your drunk uncle and friends you feel distant from get to laugh about muslim registries and stabbing harmless Mexicans with king Arthurs’ lance thru holsters in the wall. It’s unsettling but – so far as things with humanity tend to go – wholly unsurprising. Just magnified, I won’t tell you to put something down – phone, remote, laptop – you’re aware of the benefits and adversaries.

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Where are we? Still on two feet – and do your best to stay there, because things will likely get a fuck of a lot worse before a turn for the better. That said – this is still America, and in 2017 you’ll have the same voice you had this year before conspiracy and apathy swallowed you whole.

Or didn’t.

The message remains – things will come and go, don’t get lost inside the noise.

 

 

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all jake wants for christmas is for doug marrone to chip his teeth on coal

all jake wants for christmas is for doug marrone to chip his teeth on coal

I’ve been a titans fan for sixteen years. Through the good er, basically two seasons, their inaugural after coming to tennessee from houston and the one yard game against the rams, and a 13-3 run on ’08 before choking in the divisional against baltimore. team has been so irrelevant for nearly two decades. Fast forward – Jeff Fisher’s been gone long enough for the stink to quell and coming into this year I wasn’t sure if a franchise QB in mariaota was a possibility but was damn near certain that the compiled O-line was good enough to win at least six games.  I was right, obviously, and sitting at 8-6 with a win/control scenario with two divisional games coming up – I felt like it was gonna be a preeeety merry christmas.

alas, no. The titans continue a long history of disappointment after beating the defending superbowl champs and AFC West leader in consecutive weeks where the opponents played, well, good football. Dropping a game to the fucking 2-12 Jaguars is so disgusting I’m not even surprised – and to top it off Mariaota fractured the fibula of his right calf in the waning moments before cassel somehow threw a touchdown to delanie walker before pick sixing himself into oblivion on the following possession.

The game, obviously, was an enigma. Blake Bortles has been incredibly bad all season and for the majority of his three year career (not always his fault). through 14 games this year bortles had averaged 1.5 td’s, 257 yards passing and a 48.9 qbr. yesterday? 325 passing, a passing and receiving touchdown, and a 103.5 qbr (a week after posting a 36.6 rating at houston).

 

Anyway – the point of this piece – i hate doug marrone, his entire family, and everything he stands for. this asshole from the bronx spent the better part of five years in mediocrity between syracuse and the bills before falling into the interim spot last week in jacksonville after gus bradley getting fired. the classic interim coach team boost when the players briefly feel like kids again after said ex-HC not working solution is thrown in the trash by billionaires more concerned with in game pool space than winning records. same thing happened with the titans last year after wisenhunt got fired (beat a much better saints team).

 

Anyway – marrone has shown through several stops in the past five years that he’s an uninspiring coach (despite the bills definitely being cursed) and taking this shitshow of a franchise to a third win this year does nothing but guarantee their first draft pick like 3 mil less in guaranteed – and very possibly nails the coffin into my already receding hairline never returning after this election season. fuck doug marrone. yesterday sucked but i hope he gets the head job because i need a coach to hate in this divison like i need the tits to pick up alshon jeffrey in free agency this year.

 

p.s. resident ringer jackasses misreported mariotas injry last night as a broken foot or something and basically skated over the fact that the fractured fibula is a standard two month recovery time and shouldn’t be a long term detriment to his development (randall cobb had the same injury in 2013 and is still a pro bowl caliber player) while straight waxing the the idea that the combination of the loss seriously eroding playoff hopes and the qb loss could set the titans back to another decade of irrelevancy. it might not be totally wrong in knee jerk feelings but things will likely continue to uptick – besides the fact that we hold 5 draftpicks in the first three rounds this year. so yeah – fuck that guy also along with doug marrone.

 

god i hate this team so much.

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