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Author: Killian

Rob Gronkowski will be on the Madden 17 Cover

Rob Gronkowski will be on the Madden 17 Cover

If Rob Gronkowski were a horse, he’d be a unicorn and would have already won the triple-crown. Gronk was just named to be the cover of Madden 17, and he rightfully deserves it. He has also made the cover of GQ magazine for the summer, deserved as well.

While sifting through the shit 31 other NFL teams and fans throw at the Patriots, there stands one beacon of hope…Rob. Gronk has done almost the impossible and transcended Patriot hate. He is a goofy meathead who enjoys life to the fullest and it’s near impossible to hate him. The guy is a savage, him and JJ Watt are arguably the two most valuable players in the league (don’t start a fucking debate about MVPs and Best Players, I’ll hate you for it). He will go down as probably the best tight end to play the game.

“But he had Tom Brady throwing to him, and he was implemented in a Top 3 system right from the start of his career. Don’t you think that’s helped him out way more than if he with a different franchise?”

Yes. I also think its football. Marvin Harrison wasn’t catching passes from nobody, shut up.

What really makes him shine is the fact that he plays in New England, where all rookies are forced to drink the kool-aid (Hernandez dumped his out when nobody was looking) and he still gets away with throwing party cruise, hooking up porn stars, and basic day-to-day lunacy. The only thing he takes seriously is his football, which is why Belichick loves him so much. He does his job.

Gronk Facts:

  • When Gronk was younger he had a poor game after a night of drinking at one of his brother’s schools. From there on out he hasn’t drank mid-season.

  • He also only spends his endorsement money, albeit he spends it on a party bus, but that’s how he chooses to spend it.
  • The dudes a party rocker
  • He idolizes Thad Castle (unconfirmed)


He is the modern day Thad Castle. Gronk should have won it last year, but because of the OBJ catch last year you had hand the cover to him. You may have had to hold the cover a little longer while he finishes busting out those sick dance moves.

Nevertheless, this was a well deserved accolade for a guy who goes about his business the right way. He may be a personality that doesn’t mesh well with you, but in a broken league where discipline is handed down with bias, and in head scratching form; Gronk steers clear of the New York offices.

Good for Gronk, Good for the NFL, Good for EA Sports.



by Killian

Picking the (New) Most Interesting Man in the World

Picking the (New) Most Interesting Man in the World

Last week, news broke about a cultural icon that is on his way to retirement…

He is regularly seen in cardboard form at about 90% of all fraternities in the United States (I have one in my basement), yet nobody knows his real name. Johnathan Goldsmith began his acting career way before Dos Equis, but those gigs were part–time rolls. In 2007, the grizzled face that carries himself with more swagger than The Diplomats at the 2003 Grammys had finally appeared.

Dos Equis execs had struck gold with the “Most Interesting Man in the World.” Everything about their marketing efforts showed, especially in today’s tech-age where Memes were created in his honor by the second. The numbers backed up the plan as well, about 5 years after their initial commercial Dos Equis was the fastest growing beer brands in the world. From 2008-2013 they experienced growth of about 116%, which placed them below Corona and Heineken in regards to the largest imported beer in the United States.

Alas, all good things must come to an end…

The beer industry has seen a crazy overhaul as young drinkers begin to emerge, and they all seem to look like this guy. I love craft beer, if you can make an amazing batch of liquid then by all means capitalism away!

The emergance of craft beer is like a thorn in the side to the likes an an Anheuser-Busch, they’ve reached a status of too big to fail. What craft beer does hurt are the imported beers that fall below the line of “super-power”. This is why “The Most Interesting Man in the World” has been asked to retire. Dos Equis announced that it would replace Goldsmith in the role as the “Most Interesting Man in the World”, saying that the brand hoped to “reboot the character in a way that’s relevant for today’s drinker so the brand doesn’t get stale.”

After hearing this heartbreaking news I first needed time to recuperate, and then I put it on myself to find the most viable option for The Most Interesting Man in the World. But what makes the interesting man so interesting? Here are 5 key attributes:

  • Face (Everyone has one, most are ugly. Ability to grow beard is a prerequisite)
  • Clothing (If you can’t pick up a model, covered in mud, while traversing the Serengeti…get out)
  • Posture (Basic ergonomics)
  • Talent (Everyone has a niche, Johnathan Goldsmith’s was looking good)
  • Irresistible (I think that’s a trait? I’ll let you know when I come across it)

Now that we’ve laid down the foundation for our next man, I’ve begun to search the internet for the right prospect (what I found was usually porn, I tend to get sidetracked). After minutes of painstaking thinking I was able to rattle off several feasible replacements for the Dos Equis brand:

Justin Timberlake: This guy has got it all, I have been on record saying he is this generation’s Michael Jackson. Triple Threat to a T, he can sing, dance, and act. Now a new father to an adorable son, a beverage endorsement could be the icing on the cake for the former Mickey Mouse clubber.


Nick Offerman: Now I know that Ron Swanson would not support an imported beer, he would be too busy drinking a glass of Lagavulin 16. Nick Offerman has the look and the demeanor to say whatever it is that needs to be said, and we’ll accept it as true. #OffermanIn2020


Charlie Whitehurst: I don’t remember who said this, but when your name is “Clipboard Jesus” there is some type of allure towards you. Guy’s a rock star, and has a killer Instagram feed worthy of some “Most Interesting” shit.


Dan Bilzerian: Google him. A Lot of guns, cars, muscle, and women…Interesting indeed


Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson: I’d put him in the “Too Big to Fail” category, the guy is a savage. Plus my mom thinks he’s handsome (she’s not wrong, good lookin’ dude). This can could both metaphorically and physically lift your brand.


George Clooney: If this was pre-marriage I would call Vegas now, he still is my pick to who should replace the OG Interesting man. Close your eyes and see if you can seemly replace George Clooney with Johnathan Goldsmith. Clooney is a man’s man, who only waits for himself.


by Killian

Spring Cleaning 2k15

Spring Cleaning 2k15

Spring Cleaning: The Best 2015 Season


Last year’s MVP and looking like this year’s MVP Stephen Curry set the world on fire. Shooting 3’s at an unheard clip, and just crushin’ it everywhere he goes. Golden State Warriors' Stephen Curry celebrates a score against during the first half of an NBA basketball game against the Denver Nuggets on Friday, Nov. 6, 2015, in Oakland, Calif. (AP Photo/Ben Margot)I was at the bar last Saturday night when Curry pulled up from half court to win, I had to second guess myself when he made it. I was caught between a real life moment and whether or not I watched another one of his highlights again. He seems to hit one every other night, so you can’t blame me. All that comes with breaking his own point record(s) and taking down Lebron, you would assume his star shined the brightest.

Enter Corso,“Not so fast!”

This is partially because golf season is back. I don’t know about you, but I personally think America is at its greatest when Phil Mickelson is out there doing what he does best…swinging lefty and talking about landing spots.

B-0ZniOVEAE95M3Any fan of Golf knew who Jordan Spieth was at the beginning of the 2015 season. Fast forward to today, and there may not a person who hasn’t heard of the 22 year old Dallas native. Since we’re in the beginning stages of the new season, looking back at Jordan’s past year makes it near impossible to think another major sports star had it better.


Prior to last April, golf analysts pegged Spieth as a bright spot for the future of golf and someone that can compete with Rory to create as much publicity as Tiger ever did. He had a couple of tour wins under his belt and a number of top ten finishes prior to the 2015 Masters, then the magic happened.

A wire to wire, -18 victory at Augusta set the table. He was the second ever person to do so, last done in 1972. If it weren’t for a bogey on the final hole Jordan would have set the low-score aggregate record for a tournament. Instead he’s tied with Tiger at 270 strokes, but his -19 score going into hole #72 had never been done in the previous 81 years. He walked away with a cool $1.8 million after that one. The Masters aren’t like any other tournament, it’s an exclusive fraternity much like the Heisman or Super Bowl MVP.

Now that his table was set, Jordan Spieth ATE the rest of the year. He went from “possibly winning majors in the future” to worlds #1 golfer. Keep in mind that he’s 22 years old and went from ranked #809 in the world at the end of 2012, to all eyes on him. He cleaned up the U.S. Open and had his sights set on the Claret Jug (one of my personal favorite trophies, World Cup is #1), but some crazy wind and 2 suspensions of play due to rain may have helped hinder is quest for a Grand Slam (Tied for 4th, still ridiculous). He rounded out the Major season with a second place finish at the PGA Championship, giving him four top-5 finishes in the 2015 majors. And just for shits ang gigs, why not win the unofficial fifth Major?…So he took the Tour Championship.

This isnt just about winning golf tournaments, or comparing statistics across sports. Jordan Speith had the best 2015 because his entire world flipped upside down. A year ago today he’s a budding star and we’re currently debating if he’ll be the one to catch the golden bear’s 18. Do I think it’ll happen? Maybe if he weren’t in such a saturated field of talent, but I’m patient enough to let that play out.

He broke the record for most earnings in a season ($12 million) plus the FedEx cup ($10 million). His endorsements pushed him north of $30 million for the year. His earnings on the course alone average out to a little more than $250,000 per round played. He won more tournaments in 2015 than his previous professional years combined. Guys on a roll, and doesn’t look like stopping for a while.

His hairline is also running away from him, so let this also be a public service announcement to not wear hats at all hours of the day. Unless your being paid to.

spieth (1)

Honorable Mention:

 American Pharaoh:

He is a horse, who will live a wonderful horse life. Spread his seed for millions of
dollars, then right to the glue bottle you go.










Serena Williams:

If she completed the grand slam it’d make this much harder, but she lost to a no name. Plus she’s reached a level of her profession where these types of performances are expected.


The National Branding Association, What will become of the new NBA

The National Branding Association, What will become of the new NBA

Growing up I hated Kobe Bryant, Probably because I was too naive and drank the Boston kool-aid that makes us all “overly enthusiastic” for our teams. Today, I understand and appreciate all that he has done and given to basketball. The world needed someone after Michael, and there he was. Last week, after I was watching that circus of an All-Star game and Kobe Bryant stepped off the court one last time I realized how strange of a period the NBA is in.

The league hasn’t been in better shape, and I have no doubt that it’ll one day pass the NFL (I don’t know when! But c’mon almost a billion people play basketball). But this is something special; we’re in the early process of ushering out some of the greatest contributors to the game.


We have sure-fired 1st ballot Hall of Fame players, looking to bolster their resumes and elevate themselves to that next tier of legends.


We have a bevy of Superstars hitting that are hitting the prime of their careers.


And an emergence of young talent that will launch the National Basketball Association into the stratosphere.


Today, when I say “that kids good” it really applies, and that blows. It’s hard to imagine a league without Kobe, one day Lebron will be gone, and KD will be a thing of the past. The NBA will remain, but how will it look?

Let’s take a jump that rabbit hole.

This year’s salary cap is set at $70 million. Next year, $89 million. The projected cap two years from now is a staggering $108 million. Next year is the beginning of the NBA’s new 9-year $26 BILLION dollar contract with ESPN and Turner sports. This can spearhead a lookout in next year’s NBA season though, due to an opt-out in the current collective bargaining agreement. The last CBA (2011) saw the players take a -7% hit on their revenues. Now they’re at an even 50/50 split with the league when sharing revenues. Franchises across the league claim to be losing money (they may or may not), a good reason why in the last CBA the player’s revenue took a hit. As they player contracts begin to grow, Adam Silver will need to restructure the labor agreement (Thank god it’s not Goodell). Nevertheless, money will be flying around the NBA for some time. Lock-out possibly to come.

Let’s shift the focus over to the young professionals now. Right off the bat their childhood wishes are granted, making seven or eight figures to play ball. D’Angelo Russell is making $5.1 million to START, Bill Russell had to rebound and defend his way to making $100,000. They are going to capitalize to the fullest, but how will the franchises combat that? Longer contract terms can be a viable option. I was having a conversation with my roommate and he said Hockey and Baseball have the right idea. They can throw massive contracts at these guys and it’ll almost be too big to pass up (Google Bryce Harper potential contract and not shit your pants).

How much is too much money? I believe there has to be a breaking point where it just doesn’t matter anymore, somewhere to the tune of 8-years $320 million sounds reasonable (I would live in Milwaukee too if that were the instance). Having longer terms can stabilize the league too; knowing your cornerstone is locked up for almost the next decade allows you to build through the draft. Under the assumption the league continues to grow then those max deals won’t be that much of a financial burden, as the cap rises year after year that expense will accost for less and less (the Jae Crowder deal is MAGIC, and a good example).

On the flip-side, more and more we hear that current pros across all sports haven’t touched their career earnings and have only spent endorsement money, the kids see that. What we don’t see are the kids walking into the league with PhDs in social media. They’re about to kill it, they are in a rare sport where you share the floor with nine other guys and your faces (brands) are plastered across my television screen. So what will happen moving forward? You’re going to see them EVERYWHERE! The basketball culture is exploding into fashion, music, acting, or whichever outlet their face can be seen. Their phones are personal branding tools, a bridge where the outside world can get to know them as individuals. These guys will be WORKING! Because Michael laid out the blueprint, we’ve just advanced so much in the world there are so many different avenues to take instead of just flat out being the world’s greatest basketball player.

The talent of the league won’t diminish, the players are great! But don’t be surprised when you see their face or logo at every corner. I’m already pissed that my future son will probably want some Thon Maker shoe or something. But the NBA is smart; they are letting these guys go wild because of the direct correlation of twitter/IG/future app followers to game viewers.
It really is amazing to live in a time to see sports blow up so quickly, no matter how strange it looks…


Killian Slattery