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House of Cards: Real Life Edition

House of Cards: Real Life Edition

Do you ever catch yourself waking up from a dream and swearing it was real? For all my texting-while-driving people, have you ever looked up from your phone and wonder how you got to where you were without crashing? Or maybe one time you spent all day in your pool then were astonished to find out it was 5:30 P.M instead of noon. These are all tiny tricks the mind plays. Little theatrical illusions which distort reality from fiction.


Well, if you were to tell me right now that I was unknowingly participating as an extra in ‘House of Cards’…I would seriously believe you.


We may all be getting ‘Truman Show’d’. The characters are cast to perfection. A billionaire President who’s only defense mechanism against his own ‘little man syndrome’ is to emasculate others. A Vice President who looks the part of a warm grandpa, until you realize he has a secret agenda to punish gays. Behind the scenes lurks a soulless woman hell-bent on supporting her President; except her true motive lies within personal gains and not sincere jingoism. To add an element of eeriness, a former Big Oil Tycoon sinisterly awaits in the shadows as he is confirmed as Secretary of state. For extra drama a Russian Oligarch and President is thrown into the mix, with all of his vengeful tactics waiting to be deployed. Lastly, a former challenger of the president is featured. Once belittled as ‘Little Marco’, the now devious Senator has a master plan to stop a major conspiracy and finally stick it to the man who burnt him best.

Oh, and who can forget the smokin’ hot First Lady?


Unfortunately folks, this is real life.


In an excellent segment of journalism, Rachel Maddow delineated the connection between Secretary of State nominee Rex Tillerson, Exxon Mobile and the country of Russia. Maddow and her usual crew of erudite researchers dug up some important dirt on Mr. Tillerson. It turns out that our current nominee for America’s top diplomatic position has over 63 MILLION ACRES OF RUSSIAN LAND THAT AMERICA HAS NOT ALLOWED EXXON MOBILE TO DRILL IN.

Reread that.


Due to sanctions placed on Russia by America due to some deplorable actions by the Eastern Superpower, Rex Tillerson and Exxon Mobile never got the chance to drill for oil in Russia. Exxon has been sitting on these 63 million acres of drilling potential for some time now. The only thing stopping Exxon and Tillerson from making literally billions of dollars is a sanction from the U.S government. As Secretary of State, Tillerson could effectively lift those sanctions and allow for Exxon Mobile to rake in the billions they have been patiently sitting on.


How did we get here? The cynic in me wants to write about some farfetched conspiracy theory. It would go something like this:


Putin ordered the hack of the DNC to help Donald Trump get elected. In return, Trump nominated Rex Tillerson as Secretary of State. Tillerson hired Condy Rice as a consultant (actually happened) to vouch on behalf of Tillerson and help him get confirmed. Let us remember, Condoleezza Rice is literally employed by Tillerson to help Exxon Mobile make as much money as possible. Tillerson lifts the Russian sanctions, allowing for him and Putin to make a ton of money. Sure, Tillerson will have to divest from his Exxon holdings and put his assets in a blind trust. But, only a dummy would believe that Tillerson does not have anything to gain from this.


Sorry to disappoint again folks, but that is one conspiracy theory I do not subscribe to. Although it is something Alex Jones and the people at Infowars dream about, I cannot believe in it. Simply put, it is exactly what I labeled it…farfetched. Still, it is something you could imagine becoming the plot of Frank Underwood’s next House of Cards episodes.


Here is a theory I do believe in, however:


Marco Rubio. The man who was virtually nowhere to be seen during the Presidential Campaign is back from the woodworks. Rubio finally thought it would be his time to get the GOP nomination and become POTUS. All he had to do was beat out Grayson Allen’s dad and Jeb Bush. And then came Trump. All of a sudden, Rubio was deemed ‘Little Marco’ and lost all chances of becoming president. Oh, and Trump ridiculed him every step of the way. A guy who had paid his dues to his party was suddenly abandoned by it as gutless cowards such as Reince Preibus refused to stand up for him. Do not fret Mr. Rubio, your day of vengeance of here.


Mathematically speaking, if every Democrat voted ‘no’ on Tillerson’s confirmation, then they would still be short one vote. One Republican will have to vote against Tillerson’s confirmation. That one senator…you guessed it…Marco Freaking Rubio. Watch as Rubio absolutely grills Tillerson during his hearing. In an interview this week Rubio revealed that is he is currently up in the air about voting for Tillerson. After watching his questioning of Tillerson, Rubio’s vote actually appears to undecided. Want my hot take?


Just like Priebus, Rubio has proved to be spineless. Despite all of the personal attacks from Trump and a series of deep, intense policy disagreements, Rubio still endorsed and voted for Trump. He fell in line with Party expectations like the sheep he is. Do I expect Rubio to vote ‘no’ on this confirmation? No. Would I love it if he did? Of course. Still, a gambling man would bet that Rubio is just playing politics here. Tillerson will probably be confirmed, yet Rubio is making Trump sweat and conjuring legitimate dissent against Tillerson at the same time. The odds of Rubio’s vote being the deciding one is little. Consider this ‘Little Marco’s’ attempt to put a stain on Trump’s cabinet before they even take office.

What Obama Will Truly Be Remembered For

What Obama Will Truly Be Remembered For

Tuesdays are a fun day for me. My best friend and I get to coach some high school kids and teach them a little bit about roundball. Sure, we coach rec-league basketball but still, the kids love it and so do we. So I was a little bummed out when I came home last night to find my sister and mother almost in tears.


They were watching Obama’s farewell speech. An American icon said his official goodbyes to a generation he inspired to simply do better. I could comment on the content of the speech itself. Or I could relay to you that within the first five minutes of Sean Hannity’s show he had already given up on celebrating a president and started to delineate Trump’s agenda. It would be more prudent however, to demonstrate just how Obama changed this country for the better. And what better way to begin this discussion than by commenting on today’s Trump Presser.


First it was Sean Spicer. The Rhode Island native and Connecticut College graduate walked up to the podium and began condemning Buzzfeed for their horrible journalism. He was right to do so. Then VPEOTUS replaced Spicer and did more of the same. Next up, the PEOTUS himself. You guessed it; he also went ballistic on Buzzfeed and CNN.


Predictably so, the majority of questions placed a focus on the recent reports about the Russian influence on our elections. In fact, the first handful of questions basically asked the same thing. After a brief interlude from Trump’s lawyer, who described how Trump would disclose his conflicts of interest, we finally got a question that had nothing to do with Russia. Yes, some brave soul from some news publication actually dared to ask a question about Obamacare. The paraphrased question: “What do you (Trump) plan to do about the repeal of Obamacare and do you have a replacement program?”


Trump responded by asserting he will make good on his campaign promise of repealing ACA. Then he made the usual unsubstantiated claims that a replacement program will made into law only a couple weeks after the repeal. Upon first glance, this statement is neither sexy nor surprising. Anyone who has watched at least five minutes of CNN this week has heard about the GOP’s attempts to repeal the law. So, what does this have to do with Obama’s legacy? Surely, the removal of his signature bill can only be detrimental to how historians and the American Memory perceive our first Black president.


Well, in the infamous words of the Trumpster himself: Wrong.




The Pursuit of Happiness.


Military Protection.

Gun Ownership.


Fair and Free Elections.



Those are a list of just some of the principles Americans have accepted at maxims now perceived to be guaranteed from simply being a citizen. Some have been cemented into law (Gun Ownership). Others are theoretical (Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness) yet hold a weight as though they were legislation. These things we consider sacred. Untouchable. They are as American as The Simpsons and hating soccer. Well add another one to that list- Universal Healthcare.


When parsing Trump’s response to the “repeal and replace” question, one thing becomes clear. Universal healthcare is here to stay. Sure, Obamacare may be replaced. But this is exactly my point! It is going to be replaced, not banished. Remember the days when Republicans were calling for the Supreme Court to rule Obamacare unconstitutional? Neither do I. Obamacare is not synonymous with universal healthcare, it is merely a manifestation of it. When the GOP replaces Obamacare with something else they are tacitly agreeing that accessible, just healthcare for all is an American principle. In fact, it is the newest one added to the list. The 44th President tackled one of the country’s most pressing problems and solved it by insisting that the government had a duty to help everyone obtain affordable healthcare.


His bill will be replaced. His movement will not. President Barack Obama has transformed a once radical, communist idea into an American axiom. Ten years ago if you discussed universal health care, you were sneered at and labeled a socialist. Today when discussing universal healthcare, you are a patriot and champion of the little man.


President Obama did not change the American mind. He simply revealed what was on. And for that, we tip the cap. Sometimes true courage has the uncanny ability to hide in plain sight. I have a feeling posterity will not forget how a junior senator from Illinois permanently altered the American consciousness for the better, displaying the bravery we have come to expect from our fearless leaders.

delayed – mother tucker

delayed – mother tucker

MotherTucker is at it again. Merry Christmas, everyone.

A few nights ago Tucker Carlson had Asian American and Harvard alum Jay Chen on his show to discuss affirmative action. The catalyst for the debate was a Princeton study which claimed that when compared to Blacks and Latinos, Asian and White applicants must score considerably higher on their SATs in order to gain admission into Harvard. In essence, Carlson asserted that affirmative action has made it harder for qualified and deserving Asians and Whites to get into the Ivy League institution.

“But if racial discrimination is wrong, and I believe it is, then it’s just wrong. There’s a moral element here.”

In Carlson’s attempt to solidify affirmative action as a racist, Liberal machination, he let those words proudly slip out of his mouth and into the ears of his listeners. From Tucker’s perspective, Harvard has made acceptance easier for Blacks and Latinos and in doing so, has marginalized qualified Whites and Asians. He labeled this racist. And you know what? He’s right. Choosing who gains admission into a university based on skin color is racist. But, to criticize affirmative action as being discriminative and therefore question its existence completely ignores the rationale behind it. Let’s look at some facts about the Harvard population pool and learn why Tucker Carlson is way off the mark here.

First things first, Tucker has inexplicably only addressed one half of this conversation: race. What is missing from this discussion is socioeconomics. How a mainstream commentator such as Tucker fails to mention this is not only confounding but, inexcusable. According to Harvard’s very own newspaper the majority of first-generation college students at the university were non-white (date from the 2015 graduation class). Only 20% of these first-generation, minority students have a family income over $80,000. Compare that to a whopping 80% of legacies who have a family income over $80,000. What is even more shocking is that 93% of Harvard legacies are white! So, what is the synopsis in layman’s terms?

The Crimson admits a little more than 5% of their applicants every year. Yet, they admit around 30% of their legacies. Legacies are 93% white. Are you seeing the math here? Not only is the legacy population overwhelmingly White, they are overwhelmingly more financially stable than their counterparts. It appears as though Harvard has a way of admitting Whites despite affirmative action and quotas. When Jay Chen mentioned this Carlson, he merely responded by saying Chen’s statement was a “non sequitur.”

If you are a legacy applicant at Harvard, the odds are you are White and come from a financially well-to-do family. The numbers back that up. Your chance at getting into Harvard is also 25 percentage points higher than someone who is not a legacy. The connections between Harvard’s acceptance criteria to race and socioeconomic class are not only evident but, sickening. What’s more sickening is that Carlson purposely precluded Chen from making this argument. Carlson asked Chen: “Is it racial discrimination to not let somebody into college based on his race?” Chen responded by firstly agreeing then mentioning legacies. Sensing that Chen could use the legacy argument to gain the upper hand, Carlson acutely cut him off once again using his new favorite phrase, “non sequitur.” He also added that Chen was dodging the question, despite Chen agreeing with Carlson only moments ago.

So what are we seeing here on Fox News? Earlier this week, Bill O’Reilly claimed Democrats were attempting to devalue the vote of the White Establishment by opposing the Electoral College. Not only did O’Reilly acknowledge that America has a White Establishment, he supported its continued political dominance by attempting to expose this Liberal assault. This was followed by Carlson attacking affirmative action because it excluded too many Whites from Harvard. When Chen brought up the fact that affirmative action exists to even out a playing field in which White students begin with a head start, Carlson actually laughed. If you have made it this far into this article (read: rant) then do yourself a favor and watch this video. Go to the 10:00 mark and witness Tucker casually laughing off the idea of White privilege.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Fox News has officially adopted the nationalist movement and all of its bigoted accoutrements as their new political platform. Get ready, it will be a long and bumpy ride until 2020.

To be clear, I do not think that affirmative action is a perfect system; a notion that Chen asserted himself during his debate. As Tucker stated, the system makes innocent teenagers pay for the sins of their parents; sins which manifested in setbacks and roadblocks known as Jim Crow and slavery. How Tucker can laugh off the idea of white privilege while acknowledging the effects of Jim Crow is a discussion for another date and time. However, I agree with the man. It is not fair for White children with higher SAT scores to be denied acceptance in Harvard while less qualified non-Whites are admitted.

But Whites in America are hardly in a place to complain about fairness. Whites didn’t suffer through slavery and sharecropping. Whites don’t break out in a cold sweat when a police officer pulls us over. Whites don’t get shot for wearing a hoodie. Whites didn’t risk their life for their country only to return home and be told they still can’t vote. Whites didn’t inspire Billie Holiday to sing “Strange Fruit.” And you can be damn sure that Whites weren’t the motivation behind COINTELPRO.

So if Winton Prepschool IV has to cry because he now has to go to Swarthmore, his back up school, then I am okay with it. After all, education is the only surefire connection to upwards social mobility. Come on fellows Whites, we can suck this up and allow for an entire race to gain equal footing for once. Let’s try and get Tucker Carlson on board…

what should happen in 2017

what should happen in 2017

Smell ya later, 2016.


The New Year is here and I have an unreasonable amount of optimism. Is it because House of Cards will return with a new season? Or is it because there will be some real life House of Cards drama going on at 1600 Penn? The answer is ‘yes’ to both. Regardless, if some minute, simple things occur in 2017, the year will undoubtedly be a success. Here they are.


More “Calling a spade a spade”


This comes with a condition. I am officially granting everyone the ability to keep it real as long as there is some moral justice behind it. What do I mean? Let’s call the Alt-Right what it is: racist xenophobes. Sure, some Alt-Righters might get their feelings hurt but who cares. They are angry nationalists who subscribe to social Darwinism and phrenology. There is a limit here, though. Fellas, pretend your ex-girlfriend posts a bikini picture with the caption ‘sandy cheeks.’ Does she really thing we care about the sand on her bum? No. She is reveling in her newfound social liberty and peacocking for all to see. Does this mean you can text her and call her a ‘thot?’ No.

Keep it real but, only on things that truly matter.


Less Uber complaints


If I had a dime for every time someone complained to me about their Uber driver, I would buy the business and give each driver a bonus. There are worse things in this world then having a conversation with a random person. You’re mad because you just want to get to the club and the Uber guy asked ‘Hey how’s your night?’ Stop. As some poor sucker has to spend his weekend nights transporting drunk kids from place to place, the least you can do is be a freaking human being. No one dreams of being an Uber driver when they grow up. Put a smile on, chug that last nip, then ask him or her where their accent is from.


More ‘Mic’ stuff


One time at McDonalds, I heard a man go up to one of the employees and ask what the password was for the ‘McWifi.” Absolutely hilarious. As if the wifi is served between two buns with mac sauce. If I want to get through 2017, I am going to need much, much more of this. My personal goal is to use these specific phrases in 2017:


‘Hey, where is your McBathroom?’

‘Let me get a large McFry with some McHoney mustard sauce.’

‘At what time do you guys McClose the drive-thru?’

‘Where is the closest ramp to the McHighway?’


A Nickname for Drake and Jenifer Lopez


Here’s what doesn’t work:



Jenny from the Block and Drizzy from the Dot


Saint Dropez


I am still taking applications. Send them in.


More Straighttothepointness


Ladies, pay close attention. I am done playing the social media games. I have done the ‘like wars’ on IG. We have all flirted via Snapchat and Twitter. But we are in 2017 now and I am a grown man. If I throw you a DM because you seem cute, embrace it. There are some good guys out there who can only access you through social media. Do not get creeped out. We are millennials. It is ok to flirt like them too.


You know who else needs to be straight to the point? Employers. Are you really taking applications or is the job lined up for someone’s nephew? If nepotism is your thing, that is perfectly fine. After all, it’s not what you know rather, it’s who you know. Just do me a solid and let me know beforehand before I get excited over an opportunity then you break my heart. Yes, I am looking at you, Teach For America.


Bartenders fit into this category as well. Cut to the chase and tell me that the new IPA on tap costs $9.00 a glass. If that’s the case then I will buy two, let you keep the change from a $20 and rethink my life on the ride home. At the end of the day, I am not at the bar to casually sip Knob Creek neat while reading Michel Foucault. Let me know how expensive everything is because I am irrationally frugal and am looking to save some cash. If I have to reread the bill while doing forensic accounting like Andy Dufresne, then you have let me down Mr. Bartender.

thoughts on the nba all star game

thoughts on the nba all star game

The workload for Jesus Christ just got a little bit lighter. No longer will he have to hear the daily prayers of Mike Conley as he begs for just one All-Star birth. Instead of asking for a bid to the NBA’s yearly showcase, Kemba Walker will only pray that his alma mater finds its way out of the gutter. All of this happened because about a couple weeks ago, the NBA finally amended their All-Star voting process and allowed for players and pundits to have some input. So let’s play a game of “who’s in my mouth” and see which players can benefit from this rule change. Whoops, I meant to say “who’s in and who’s out.” You can take the kid outta college…


Players and media members will each get 25% of the vote. We’ve seen how the players’ opinions differ from pundits, as it was only two years ago when the players selected James Harden as the league MVP instead of Steph Curry. This should make things interesting come voting time. The rift between analytic-loving critics and actual players is evident. How will this play out? I think I have some found some players both these groups can agree to send to the big game.


Let’s begin with Conley and Kemba. Conley returned awfully quickly from a serious back injury and is once again leading the Grizz as they boast a good 22-15 record. Sure, he has missed ten games however, that is not enough to keep him out of the festivities. Coming off signing the biggest contract in league history, Conley has proven his worth. Averaging a career high in points, boards and three point percentage, Conley may finally get the bid he deserves.


Skywalker helped Charlotte fly out of the gate this season. The Hornets have cooled off however, Kemba has remained red hot. Critics once claimed Walker would perpetually be an inefficient volume shooter. Now the point guard is shooting 47% from the floor and 42% from three. The Hornets are holding down the 4th seed in a much improved East. I think he has a better shot than Conley of earning an All-Star nod.


The Greek Freak is a rebound per game away from averaging a double double. What’s more, he leads his squad in points, boards, assists, steals and blocks. Woah. The Bucks are a contender to be a top four team in the East. Giannis has picked up the slack as The Deer are doing this all without the underrated Kris Middleton. If the pundits vote overwhelmingly for any player, it will be Giannis.


“I know when that ZingGod bling, that can only mean one thing.” Kristap is straight hoopin’ for the Knicks. Hey, the Knicks are going to make the playoffs, isn’t that weird? The Latvian made a huge leap this year, avoiding the sophomore slump. He should replace Mr. Drummond as a big this year. If this year’s game doesn’t have KP, then something has gone seriously wrong.


When you’re the best player on an 22-14 team in the crowded West, you deserve some love. Especially when your name is Gordon Hayward and you’re putting up an efficient 23, 6, and 4 a night. The Jazz have finally put it all together. It’s a matter of time until they are challenging the Rockets for the 3rd seed out West.


An even better question than asking who will make the game for the first time: Who will be left out? If the Blazers don’t get above .500 then I really doubt if Dame Lillard avenges his snub from last year. Winning helps. Will fans vote for an aging D-Wade on a new team? They will, even though they shouldn’t. IT4 has boosted his numbers and helped the injury plagued Cs remain as the East’s 3rd seed. But will he get enough votes to repeat as an All-Star? Does John Wall from the disappointing Wizards get in? The West has some more question marks. Someone has to replace Kobe. I am not sure Aldridge makes it in given his underwhelming performance.


Here is what could happen in the West:


Conley takes the place of the Black Mamba.

KAT fills in for an injured Blake.

Hayward boots out Aldridge.


In the East:


KP replaces Chris Bosh.

Smell ya later Paul Millsap; enter Giannis.

Kemba kicks out John Wall and deservingly so.


list on the internets, rappers

list on the internets, rappers

Recently, there has been a list floating around the internet which ranks some of Hip Hop’s best artists. I have zero idea about where this list originated. All I know it that I saw it on a Hot97 post on Instagram this morning and spent way too much time overanalyzing it. The mastermind behind this list decided to break down his or her rankings in terms of tiers, and I love it. Let’s see where he or she was right, wrong or completely out of their mind. Check out the list below:


Tier 1: The Elite ­– No complaints here. The Drake selection may ruffle some feathers amongst some older heads. Still, the man has hits which will be played long after he is gone. K.Dot, no explanation needed. In a market which craves mindless, rhythmic beats without meaningful lyrical content, Cole and Chance have found a way to please all demographics.


Tier 2: Talented But Not Elite – Absolutely no problems with this list. Big Sean is the most underrated artist in this list but still deserves to be there. Gambino just put out a great album but the ability to crossover is a criteria for being considered elite. Not sure if Gambino has done that yet. Also, if you want to boot Wale from this list, go ahead.


Tier 3: Legends Past Their Prime – Okay, here is where we get into some trouble. Who considers Twista a legend? He is more like a nostalgic novelty for a specific demographic who came of age while he was putting out Overnight Celebrity. My three exceptions to this list: Jay, 50 and Wayne. 50 has publicly expressed why he has not put out a typical 50 album in a while. Simply put, the market right now is not receptive to his type of music. Artists like him (Jay, Nas, Wayne, Kiss) are biding their time until this microwave hit phase fades out. And it will. Do not bet against Jay, Weezy and 50 having one more classic left in them. Well, at least Hov and 50. Okay…at least Hov. The market just needs to take a turn in their direction.


Tier 4: Underrated – How in the world is Joey Bad not in the “talented but not elite” category? His debut mixtape is better than anything ever put out by anyone in that category. Plus the guy is like 13 or something. Cyhi and Dom Kennedy have faded for a reason. Nipsey is a legend In LA. During my one visit there I heard locals bumping him all day, love him in this category. Also, Dave East won’t be in this category for long. While we’re at it, let’s bump Logic up to the “talented but not elite” section. He is just as creative as anyone there and showed some crossover potential.


Tier 5: Overrated – Wow. Some egregious mistakes. If you want to throw Meek, B.O.B and the ASAPs in here, fine. But The Game? Dej Loaf? Young MA? Ew. The Game is not as hyped as he once was, but his recent music is on par with his past catalogue. Just because the current scene does not bump your hits does not mean you are overrated. Dej has put out some fire mixtapes and her best years are still light-years away. As much as I love Joey Bad, he has decided to grow out his hair instead of continue the New York revival. Look for Young MA to pick up where he left off.


Tier 6: Overhyped Legends – In what world is OJ Da Juiceman a legend? Anyways, Jeezy being here is a travesty. If you think he’s overhyped I will start to question how much you know about the genre. You don’t get to do features with Jay, Kanye, Cole and everybody else without having some serious talent. Oh, and I promised myself I would not let myself go on a tirade about Boosie’s cultural impact on his Louisiana community.


The one person who should belong on this list and isn’t: Mr. West. You can make a case that his catalogue has gotten worse since he dropped his debut album. Take away the shoes, the wife, the rants, the Trump meeting. In essence, take away everything that hypes him up. Look at his recent body of music then compare it to his entire career. You’ll see the light, trust me.


Tier 7: Trash – Macklemore and Ty are legit artists. You may not like their music, but it is actually music. The other artists on this list make something else entirely and I’m not sure what to call it. I considered discussing French and writing that he was talented. Except he’s not. People like him, not his music. When’s the last time you heard someone say “Dude, can’t wait for that new French to come out!”

i want to marry this youtube show

i want to marry this youtube show

The Internet has a new darling webseries and it’s called The Earliest Show. Starring Parks & Rec alum Ben Schwartz and budding star Lauren Lapkus, the Funny or Die series is a smash in the waiting.


If the characters drive the show, then the writing is the fuel which makes the car run. The show’s setting is centered on a mock morning news show, hence the show title. Playing a co-anchor, Josh, Ben Schwartz has mastered the art of off-script deviation. The series follows Josh’s day-by-day journey as he goes through each stage of depression following a break up with his girlfriend. His co-anchor, the adorable and witty Sam (Lapkus) does her duty as a friend and attempts to bring Josh out of his slump. All this happens while presenting the news and interviewing a weekly celebrity guest (Reggie Miller, Thomas Middleditch etc.).


So why watch these 10 minute webisodes? Lapkus and Schwartz improvise their way through the episode in a fashion which makes their chemistry seem not only organic, but palpable. Whenever Josh catches the blues mid-show, Sam is there with a snarky yet lighthearted response to refocus her partner. Still, the tension between Sam and Josh is basically nonexistent. Instead, we get to watch two loving friends’ trade harmless, witty remarks while broadcasting their addictive onstage personalities. Lapkus is a professional when it comes to balancing out Schwartz dramatics.


Watching these two simply be themselves is nothing short of hilarious. If you are a fan of clever, nonsensical banter, ala Will Ferrell and company in Anchorman, then this is a show for you. Just about everything seems impromptu. Normally, such extemporaneous behavior has its hits and misses. With this show however, everything is spot on. Take their interactions with guest Reggie Watts, for example. Watts comes on and of course, the two anchors ask the musician to start beatboxing. Watts and Schwartz beatbox and clap their hands when Lapkus randomly decides to start awkwardly singing “Help me, help me; I’m trapped in the TV.” It makes zero sense, which is why it makes total sense. When Schwartz goes high, Lapkus goes low. When Schwartz cries, Lapkus laughs. It’s a harmony of comedy.


The show also has its little nuances which give it personality. Each episode features a commercial from Cap’n Crunch. They always manage to couple the cereal with something outrageous. One time they promoted orange traffic cones and said they were handy for avoiding anything from spilled wine to knocked over bowls of Cap’n Crunch. It’s the show’s brief way of satirizing the everyday robotics which accompanies morning news programs as they commercialize just about every portion of human life.


Still, the series knows that brevity is the soul of wit. They began each episode with a brief retraction from some story they ultimately failed to report accurately. Then they move to a section where they discuss Twitter comments. Next up, a guest comes on to talk for literally a minute. Then they have a segment which focuses on some demonstration, whether that be learning to exercise or cook leftovers from the fridge. And like that, the show is over. They manage to squeeze in tons of laughs into such a tiny show and deserve a spot in the sun.