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Author: Olivia

LONG ISLAND CHRONICLES : SNL

LONG ISLAND CHRONICLES : SNL

Remember a few years back when SNL was all around just pretty weak? Unless there was a bomb ass host, the episodes seemed the fall flat more often than not.

And cue, the 2016 presidential race. The material was handed out like free candy and SNL did it so right. They kept us laughing when we all thought it was a joke, and continued to keep us laughing when things started to get scary. And then when we all thought we’d never laugh again (still recovering), SNL did it so right.

Last Saturday night was a weird time. It was a few days post apocalypse. Half the country was praising the new leader of the free world while the other half was in mourning of any progression set forth by the current administration. Social media was a war zone and tensions were incredibly high and sensitive. I, for one, was in desperate need of constant distraction that I found in ways of over sleeping and over drinking.

So when it was time to watch the legend Dave Chapelle host SNL, it was the first time all week that I felt a sense of okay-ness. I wasn’t sure how it would play out, would they go too politically charged or would they not acknowledge it enough?

Well, all doubt was alleviated after Kate McKinnon stole the show before it even started. Her reprise of “Hallelujah” as Hillary Clinton was uplifting and moving, while still paying homage to the hopelessness many of us felt.

This weekend, a legend in the form of Kristen Wiig returns to the stage to continue to deliver much needed laughs to the American people. SNL knows we need the comedic relief, and they’re doing it so right. So thank you Lorne Michaels and cast, thanks for shedding some light on those of us who feel really fucking dim lately.

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Long Island Chronicles : the coupling we never wanted to need

Long Island Chronicles : the coupling we never wanted to need

You know, I never thought I’d be thankful for Taylor swift. Like ever. But right now, she is doing something that has gotten the pop culture demon roaring inside of me.

She decided to partner up with drake. I say “partner up” because I actually have no idea what’s happening. Even with my detective skills, I don’t know if the nature of this relationship is business, pleasure or both (which is Taylors normal move as we all know). I’ve scoured the internet looking for anything that will give me definitive evidence but NOTHING.

Why choose now to be discreet Taylor? Are we going to hear a collab that’s bound for radio stardom to the rejoice of white girls everywhere? Or have they coupled up to be the most emotional pair of all time? Does this mean she’s finally learned not to make her relationships so public? Or does it mean they’re not together? Or is she just terrified of RiRi? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

We might have gotten a clue early this morning when drake posted an insta of them. But just like this whole weird situation, it was suggestive and mysterious and doesn’t tell us anything. The game they are so clearly playing is so infuriating but satisfying at the same time and I really just need them to lay it out for us, even though I’m expecting to be kept in the dark for some time.

Whether it be professional or personal, all I hope for this is that we are all blessed with social media drama. Taylor Swift and Drake, please don’t disappoint.

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Long Island Chronicles : Schumer Lemonade

Long Island Chronicles : Schumer Lemonade

I was thinking about what to write the night before I was supposed to write it and I was leaning towards chatting about the Amy Schumer formation parody video. Naturally, after all of it went down I scoured the depths of the World Wide Web and soaked up every comment I could feast my eyes on.

So –  I was sitting on my subject matter for a while when I turned on my forever inspiration Andy Cohen. The man can get drunk at work and rules a reality television empire. Helllllllo – he’s my idol. His guests were Michael Bublé – who I will always picture as a 60-year-old Christmas music singer – and Abbi Jacobson, yassss queen. Andy was taking calls from fans (note: I’ve never called Andy because I think if he ever answered I would hang up on him) when one asked Abbi how she felt about the recent flack Schumer has been receiving for her Formation parody video.

 

My little ears lit up, because I fully believe in signs when it comes to writing about something. It’s like the universe is telling me, “yes Olivia, write about this, it really matters.” Abbi, a friend of Amy, responded with an insightful answer about social media exposure leading to torture by the public. Bublé stepped in and commented on how comedians shouldn’t have to be ‘politically correct, they’re supposed to cross the lines.’ Yes.

 

 

I hate the term politically correct, mostly because of how it saturates the media to death. It’s usually used in the context of an ignorant person saying something insensitive and labeling their naysayers “PC”. It’s turned into a really easy excuse for some people to say whatever they’d like without any consequences, claiming the people who take offense are just too politically correct. i think we should all be conscious of what we’re saying and how it can affect others negatively.

 

But, if there is one group of people who I feel do not need to be held to the standard of society, its comedians. While we can all be aware of what Beyoncé’s song formation is about and how important it is that the feelings of a huge population in America are heard, comedians can be aware of this while simultaneously using the material to do their job – make people laugh.

 

Amy Schumer is obvvvviously going to do a parody of the most talked about music video of all time, because Beyoncé is all mighty and we all aspire to be her. Alas, the public got their panties in a bunch and attacked Schumer for using the black community’s struggles as a cheap joke. Never mind the fact that the parody video was a Tidal exclusive, Tidal is run by Jay-Z, Jay-Z and Beyoncé are married with child.. Beyoncé knew about the video and didn’t have qualms about it, because you know if she did it wouldn’t have happened.

 

Amy Schumer is a comedian by trade, and she makes her dollars by making people laugh. Adults, to be precise. I don’t wanna live in a time when comedians aren’t allowed to commedicate *made up word* due to an oversensitive population.

 

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long island chronicles : ken bone eulogy

long island chronicles : ken bone eulogy

There are many words that can be used to describe the 2016 presidential election in America – disappointing, jarring, terrifying, absurd. It’s brought out the worst in the two major political parties and has pitted the American people against one another. While the list of negatives highly outweighs the positives, there is one thing (if not the only thing) that sits proudly atop the list of amazing things to come from this election season – Ken Bone.

On October 9th, 2016, Anderson Cooper and Martha Raddaz moderated a voter concentrated debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Cliton. The focus was the concerns of true American people, some of whom sent questions in, others were chosen to sit on stage among the nominees and stood up to ask their questions.

The debate was a doozy, to say the least. Shots fired back and forth between Trump and Clinton were becoming quite mundane, and the viewers at home were growing restless. In what seemed to be a gift from the universe, Mr. Ken Bone was called upon to ask his question to the nominees. His environmentally focused question was a good one, but it was the last thing any of us paid attention to.

That red sweater and strikingly perfect name is what caught all of our eyes. Ken Bone was a reprieve from the political shittiniess that was playing on the world’s television, a man who can bring bipartisan parties together and relish in the goodness of the Internet.

The video of him walking around the stage after the debate was over snapping pics on his disposable camera was truly the icing on the cake.

Ken Bone was quickly a World Wide Web sensation, gracing memes and gifs across all platforms. If you google Ken Bone, it will yield millions of results. His twitter following is in the hundreds of thousands, and he was invited onto multiple national television outlets to just …. be Ken Bone. The maker of his famous red sweater IZOD clearly have an amazing PR Team and even had him star in their latest commercial.

Naturally, the people of the world wanted to hear more from the man, so he indulged us all with a Reddit AMA. And since no one can let a good thing stay good, an internet deep diver decided to look back on Bone’s Reddit comment history – a place where things could get very dark. Some things were discovered, but nothing that tears down the meme that is Ken Bone.

The man will live on in Internet fame as the comedic relief this political season needed. Ken Bone brought the population together in ways that the nominees could never hope to do and reminded us all that countries that meme together stay together.

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Long Island Chronicles : FDT

Long Island Chronicles : FDT

 

As an avid tweeter and sometimes writer, I could have written about the 2016 election season many a time. Each time would have centered around certain things, I’m sure, but I’m also sure that there would be a reoccurring theme and that would be Donald trump hate. Although I’m one of the pettiest people I know – I’ve also had my weak moments…I just didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to write over and over again how fucking horrible this ‘human being’ is. I didn’t want to write about how I have literal nightmares of an America that allowed a man like Donald trump to become president. I was subconsciously avoiding becoming one in the million of humans who have projected their strong feelings about Trump onto their social media followings.

 

There is no further reason to avoid the inevitable. I’ve been able to calm myself for the past year during every shitty Trump moment in time, until now. Until I realized that a percentage of people in this country wanted to nominate a disrespectful, dangerous, scathing individual to the oval office. Until we were all exposed to those tapes heard around the world.

 

So, I would like to take this opportunity to reiterate what I’m sure Trump has heard plenty in the last few days. He is a disservice to not only women everywhere, but human kind in its entirety. He is the personification of what it means to be weak. The only reason he was able to grow to any sort of notoriety in this political race is because of the current state of the world, specifically America. My disappointment in America is so deep right now – like that time my mom noticed I stopped wearing my purity ring. Violence, sexism, inequality and racism are running rampant in this country and the people fueling that fire desperately need someone who makes them feel like its ok.

 

The bigots need a leader – and Donald Trump is it.

 

He’s been exposed as something more than just an arrogant, bitter old man – not that it wasn’t expected, nor was the subject totally untouched in relation to him. Now, we have all heard a tape of his own voice speaking vulgar, aggressive language toward women whom he considered to be less than himself. But, even with these revelations there are still American citizens will to cast a vote for him on November 8th.

 

Donald Trump is a powerful, rich man who has infiltrated the political system of America. We have dedicated hours upon hours to watching, listening and thinking about his gross antics. I like to think that if the USA wasn’t in a state of total unrest, we would have nixed this man a while ago. But with the emergence of multiple social revolutions coming to a boil all at once, many people can’t handle it. And to their benefit, someone who shared their extremist, white privilege found their way onto the ballot. Donald Trump gave these people a platform to stand on, he brought them to a new light through his hateful speech.

Donald Trump represents every man who’s ever touched a woman without asking, every citizen who’s ever felt America needed to be ‘great’ (read: white) again, and every narrow minded individual who thinks aggression = passion.

 

While I may have thought things were getting better, the fact that this man was voted for by such a large amount of people living on this land to be a nominee for president is terrifying and discouraging. Yes, I am aware that he will not win the race and he will soon be shunned back to reality TV land after this election finally comes to a close. But my awareness of the ultimate demise of Donald Trump does not undermine the damage that’s already been done. He has opened up the gates of shittiness in America and pitted us against the world.

 

America, I truly hope this is the worst its going to get. We deserve more as a people, as a country and as a superpower on planet Earth. While this election is a nightmare to say the least, let’s hope it taught us something about what and how we want to be as a country. And, most importantly, taught us that we never want to have to deal with the shit hole that is social media during a time like this EVER AGAIN.

 

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Long Island Chronicles: E! killed the music festival

Long Island Chronicles: E! killed the music festival

In all honesty, I tried to find a subject that wasn’t the kimmy k robbery to write about this week. I tried very hard to find any other insignificant pop culture moment in time that held my attention but, alas, I failed.

A few reasons why I MUST write about this – my aforementioned shameless love for the kardashian/west clan, my innate obsession with trying to prove things wrong, my subsequent ability to accept when I’m wrong and my presence at the concert in which Ye ran off the stage after the robbery occurred. Which also happens to be a great place to start.

So, the meadows festival in queens, NY this past weekend was all in all, a dud. The $270 price tag was steep for what it ended up being. Besides seeing the almighty chance the rapper, who I would have paid twice the amount of a ticket to this stupid festival to see play three songs, the rest was quite underwhelming. So, the prospect of Kanye closing the weekend was a saving grace, something to look forward to.

In true yeezy fashion, Kanye was 40 minutes late for his hour and a half set. When he finally did come on, he stayed true to his Pablo tour (minus floating stage) and sang on a dark stage while projecting a skewed image on the big screen. I have a tendency to think performers aren’t really there when I’m under the influence, as if that wouldn’t cause major contractual issues and surely the front row would notice. So after I was done telling everyone Ye wasn’t really there, I decided to forget about it and just listen to the music.

In what seemed like a track and a half, he was gone again. Claiming “family emergency”, he swiftly ran off the stage and left us all fucking hanging. My investigator side immediately came out and I began refreshing twitter nonstop. Of course I didn’t believe him! I didn’t even really think it was Kanye up there! (Yes, my friends hate me.)

Then, the reports slowly started rolling in and all of a sudden shit got real. Kim was held up in her gazilliion dollar apartment in the city of love, stripped of $10 million worth of jewels. After finally getting over my skepticism, I naturally became obsessed with the story, which in itself isn’t too complex. But what really caught my attention was the public’s reaction to the situation and the true divide between the famous and the not.

There was no sympathy. There was victim blaming out the Ass. While I, once again, may be biased because of my stance on Kim, I also think that most humans were really fucking horrible.

Yes, she’s a multimillionaire, untouchable woman with an idealized life that 99.9% of us will literally never even come close to. Yes, she uses social media to constantly document her life, her surroundings and her wealth. But we live in a society that glorifies cash money over anything else. The “American dream” itself surrounds the notion of wealth. We literally have a billionaire with zero political experience one foot in the White House.

While subtly and humbleness may be two things Kim can practice a bit more, she is certainly not singular in her obsession of wealth. If ya got it, flaunt it, am I right?

The wife and mother of 2 was bound, gagged, locked in a bathroom and robbed at gunpoint. She was violated and attacked in a place she felt was safe. But because of her reputation and status, she was disregarded as human being and shown as only a meme. The traumatizing event she went through was minimized and beaten to a pulp. A rich person is still a person. A social media phenom is still a person. And yes, even Kim Kardashian West is still, a person.

And let’s just say, I can’t wait for Yeezy (to hire someone) to go all Liam neeson on their asses.

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Long Island Chronicles : kris jenner, fendi antichrist

Long Island Chronicles : kris jenner, fendi antichrist

Kris Jenner – the antichrist wears fendi 

Well, with the recent ‘news’ (in quotations because of my very self-aware notion that this is not actual news and the world is suffering and I shouldn’t care about reality television stars blah blah blah) of Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian ending their time together, I’ve been really thinking hard about the matriarch that started it all – kris Jenner. 

Now, as a self-proclaimed feminist, I should be praising her business savvy and success in a world where massive bank accounts and very young romantic partners are usually reserved for men, and usually I am her number one fan. The woman took her ginormous family and made each and every one of them a world famous individual. While her tactics may be questionable and her ruthless self-promotion may disgust some, one thing that can not be denied is her pure determination to take over the world.. one child at a time. 

One spawn of hers is rob kardashian, the lonely son of rob kardashinan senior and kris Jenner. His fame began like the rest of them, hanging on the coat tails of his elder sisters sex tape. A reality show and club appearances were the extent of the family’s resume at the time, but kris Jenner had bigger and better plans for her offspring. 

Her girls were all for it, milking the publicity cow for all that it is fucking worth. There was no appearance too cheesy to host nor a product too ridiculous to promote. There was no such thing as subtlety or privacy. But poor rob always seemed to be one notch behind the rest of them. Sure, he was involved, but his disconnect was always quite apparent. And finally, he exited all together a few years back, with the main conversation among his family in regards to him was his battle with depression and addiction. 

Kris Jenner is, yes, the boss of the empire and also one of the executive producers of keeping up the kardashians, but she’s also a mother. And this mother chose to exploit her only son’s mental and emotional struggles for viewers. Kris Jenner allowed camera crews to document her and her family’s efforts to better Rob. While I’m not positive of how much power she has, I assume that when put against Ryan seacrest, another executive producer of the show, kris has the upper hand (and not just because of seacrest’s height challenges). I highly doubt the e! Channel wouldn’t allow their largest money maker to have no freedom in what is or is not shown on a show who’s title includes her own family name. 

Fast forward a few years and Rob has finally found himself back on the news reel thanks to a lovely little lady named blac chyna. Chyna is a hip hop …something? Actually not totally positive what or who she did to her to where she is today, but apparently she was the reason for Robs reemergence into the public eye. She motivated him and it definitely wasn’t for fame and/or money *rolling eyes emoji*. well, things ended up about how any good, healthy relationship ends up.. with an engagement and pregnancy a few months in.  

Cue- REALITY SHOW. once again, kris Jenner sees an opportunity and beats the shit out of it. Rob and Chyna’s e! Channel show premiered a few weeks ago and in all honestly, even I, the reality television connoisseur, could not bear to watch more than five minutes. It was horribly painful and lacked even more depth than the kardashians. It focused on robs issues and his intense insecurities that stop him from leaving the house. 

Once again, kris Jenner profits from her sons misfortunes. She sits idly by in the editing room and choose which moment should be at the forefront of national television. She promotes her daughters as if they are the picture of perfection, always implying the significant others (men) in their lives are the ones at fault, meanwhile she is doing the same to her very own son. I guess I’ve never thought too far into it, but kris Jenner might be Satan dressed in really fucking expensive clothes. 

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