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Category: 2016

show me the lull

show me the lull

Death has gotten a bad rap this year.

From entertainers to democracy to human decency in Syria – ends known mostly in passing over screens or brief rushes of feeling have served, sort of infinitely, as a mass of unsightly new, same days only just grayer than the previous.

A mind map of 2016 might well be a car stuck idling, mid turn in a crowded 4-way, mixing radio signals push notifications on where to go next.


Maybe it hasn’t been a bad rap for death so much as it is, more than ever, an information drown. The idea that someone couldn’t win the presidency, that the markets really are stable, that our nations face has been etched anew – not lurking in plain sight all along. In any event – 365 calendar days have passed in similar fashion to last years and, most probably, to the upcoming axis turn(s).

As I write this a former KGB commander and sitting demigod is being praised in less than 140 characters by our president elect. Last week, the north pole rose 50 degrees above its average temperature and my biggest sorrows about missing a snowstorm in my old home amount to a one – how many more? Rather than state the obvious, let us be brief – for your time is short.

Above all else that happened in America the western world this calendar year – one trait sticks out among the masses and blindingly so. Ignorance.

Look around – tea and crumpets subbed for toast and shitty coffee, the brits are just so old, white, and race bait-ing as we’ve always been. Italy’s constitution has been voted to a play-doh like remodel. Austria is the first country to a vote down a far right usurping against liberal, globalist values. They won’t be the last faced with the problem. Anyway – the points simple in that, yes, Donnie Toupee’s campaign and over riding tone have brought about and will continue to bring darker ides from America’s past back to the forefront of the zeitgeist. It sucks but, ya know – boo fucking who. Because the alternative is Iraq, Iran, anywhere in Africa, fucking Russia to boot – civil rights and infrastructure are not universal languages and the fact remains that majorities aside it’s not going to be as easy for Donald to get things done as rabid supporters would assume, we won’t be pulling out of the Paris agreement anytime soon, and Obamacare will exist in 2020 and 2024 – if only under the care of a much whiter foster parent.


Michelle Obama and BLM are things I’d obviously write about and consider more if I was a black dude – and I’m a firm believer after this year, especially, that playing a given hand doesn’t apply to social norms you’ll never understand via birthright. If Malcolm X couldn’t answer how non-bigoted white people are supposed to act, then let us leave Macklemore to Macklenot.

But if there’s something to consider from this year, manners in which it’s appropriate enough for a real average white dude to do so – hope lives. I think so, anyway, and this is one thing I’m hoping the outgoing first lady is very much wrong about. The point is that we have the internet – fucking everywhere, and Paul McCartney said so I don’t have to – rap, hip-hop, is the music of now. Where-in these things in music and acid tripping festival going shucking of adult responsibilities until 29 idolatries go, it serves to be true that the current shift dominance of mixtape and friend rap culture is a pretty clear corollary to crusty white dude ideals that have just so recently taken things back, or whatever.

Is it a facade? In some fashion – probably, but much like much of the nation found surprise at this election result – the likelihood that the Don will fuel instant satisfaction America to its fever pitch by bringing stop gap jobs back to the rust belt is only greater, and the less easily frightened among the masses, then, are forced to consider the peak of globalization, and what these policies will look like 20 and 30 years down the line. This is all shit, it’s brazenly clear, that HRC did not understand either.

Consider it a gilded age, essentially, if not a perverted fever dream of one. Where your drunk uncle and friends you feel distant from get to laugh about muslim registries and stabbing harmless Mexicans with king Arthurs’ lance thru holsters in the wall. It’s unsettling but – so far as things with humanity tend to go – wholly unsurprising. Just magnified, I won’t tell you to put something down – phone, remote, laptop – you’re aware of the benefits and adversaries.


Where are we? Still on two feet – and do your best to stay there, because things will likely get a fuck of a lot worse before a turn for the better. That said – this is still America, and in 2017 you’ll have the same voice you had this year before conspiracy and apathy swallowed you whole.

Or didn’t.

The message remains – things will come and go, don’t get lost inside the noise.



all jake wants for christmas is for doug marrone to chip his teeth on coal

all jake wants for christmas is for doug marrone to chip his teeth on coal

I’ve been a titans fan for sixteen years. Through the good er, basically two seasons, their inaugural after coming to tennessee from houston and the one yard game against the rams, and a 13-3 run on ’08 before choking in the divisional against baltimore. team has been so irrelevant for nearly two decades. Fast forward – Jeff Fisher’s been gone long enough for the stink to quell and coming into this year I wasn’t sure if a franchise QB in mariaota was a possibility but was damn near certain that the compiled O-line was good enough to win at least six games.  I was right, obviously, and sitting at 8-6 with a win/control scenario with two divisional games coming up – I felt like it was gonna be a preeeety merry christmas.

alas, no. The titans continue a long history of disappointment after beating the defending superbowl champs and AFC West leader in consecutive weeks where the opponents played, well, good football. Dropping a game to the fucking 2-12 Jaguars is so disgusting I’m not even surprised – and to top it off Mariaota fractured the fibula of his right calf in the waning moments before cassel somehow threw a touchdown to delanie walker before pick sixing himself into oblivion on the following possession.

The game, obviously, was an enigma. Blake Bortles has been incredibly bad all season and for the majority of his three year career (not always his fault). through 14 games this year bortles had averaged 1.5 td’s, 257 yards passing and a 48.9 qbr. yesterday? 325 passing, a passing and receiving touchdown, and a 103.5 qbr (a week after posting a 36.6 rating at houston).


Anyway – the point of this piece – i hate doug marrone, his entire family, and everything he stands for. this asshole from the bronx spent the better part of five years in mediocrity between syracuse and the bills before falling into the interim spot last week in jacksonville after gus bradley getting fired. the classic interim coach team boost when the players briefly feel like kids again after said ex-HC not working solution is thrown in the trash by billionaires more concerned with in game pool space than winning records. same thing happened with the titans last year after wisenhunt got fired (beat a much better saints team).


Anyway – marrone has shown through several stops in the past five years that he’s an uninspiring coach (despite the bills definitely being cursed) and taking this shitshow of a franchise to a third win this year does nothing but guarantee their first draft pick like 3 mil less in guaranteed – and very possibly nails the coffin into my already receding hairline never returning after this election season. fuck doug marrone. yesterday sucked but i hope he gets the head job because i need a coach to hate in this divison like i need the tits to pick up alshon jeffrey in free agency this year.


p.s. resident ringer jackasses misreported mariotas injry last night as a broken foot or something and basically skated over the fact that the fractured fibula is a standard two month recovery time and shouldn’t be a long term detriment to his development (randall cobb had the same injury in 2013 and is still a pro bowl caliber player) while straight waxing the the idea that the combination of the loss seriously eroding playoff hopes and the qb loss could set the titans back to another decade of irrelevancy. it might not be totally wrong in knee jerk feelings but things will likely continue to uptick – besides the fact that we hold 5 draftpicks in the first three rounds this year. so yeah – fuck that guy also along with doug marrone.


god i hate this team so much.

robert durst blames meth use on murder confession and i’m officially energized for life again

robert durst blames meth use on murder confession and i’m officially energized for life again

Entertainment weekly – Robert Durst’s statement to Los Angeles prosecutors that he was high on methamphetamine during the filming of the HBO series The Jinx was improperly obtained, his lawyer tells PEOPLE exclusively.

Attorney Dick DeGuerin says prosecutors interviewed Durst without his lawyers present, and the interview should therefore be ruled inadmissible at his upcoming murder trial.


Backstory – robert durst is the eldest son of a manahttan real estate magnate who inherited somewhere near $100 mil from his father. HBO did a doc with him a year or two back at the behest of durst – who contacted Andrew Jarecki – the guy who made All The Good Things starring Ryan Reynolds which is a movie about one of the three murders durst was weirdly exonerated from despite there being overwhelming evidence against him. Anyway after seeing the movie durst contacted Jarecki and was like yo saw the movie since i’m innocent you should make a documentary where i’m there and we talk about why i couldn’t have killed these people. totally not the conscience of a dude who killed three people but idk. in any event it’s called the jinx and is on hbo and in the last scene of the doc he’s wearing a hot mic when he doesn’t know the cameras are rolling. the first time this happens his lawyer interjects and stops him before creepy shit he’s muttering to himself becomes potentially incriminating but the second time he’s gone to the bathroom after literally telling jarecki that if the two forged letters in front of him were written by the same person he’d have to assume that person was the murderer.

Whiiiiich brings me to the point of the article – saying he was on meth for the majority of the filming is a move straight out of the multi mil inheritance nyc real estate playbook for people who went completely insane as opposed to stuffing their soul and sanity inside a toupee that cums all over it’s VP family the moment it’s off camera. In an alternate universe trump is panhandling for jersey boys tickets to chase his dream of the big stage while durst is trying to coerce michelle obama into an attic joint during his first tour of the white house. So yeah, no, i didn’t murder those people – I was just on meth.

Every heard of it? Marginally bad for skin and teeth, doesn’t make you jittery or hyperactive, just real peculiar but oddly well thought out stuff like asking a dude who made a movie about the wife you (allegedly) murdered to do a biopic thing where you stalk your brother and candidly admit to murdering three people. Totally irrational behavior, and all because of the meth.

the guy should obviously be in jail, and he will be (i think). but if the absurdity and irrational confidence of this claim doesn’t jack you up for personal possibility in the year ahead you’re a fucking doofus.

list on the internets, rappers

list on the internets, rappers

Recently, there has been a list floating around the internet which ranks some of Hip Hop’s best artists. I have zero idea about where this list originated. All I know it that I saw it on a Hot97 post on Instagram this morning and spent way too much time overanalyzing it. The mastermind behind this list decided to break down his or her rankings in terms of tiers, and I love it. Let’s see where he or she was right, wrong or completely out of their mind. Check out the list below:


Tier 1: The Elite ­– No complaints here. The Drake selection may ruffle some feathers amongst some older heads. Still, the man has hits which will be played long after he is gone. K.Dot, no explanation needed. In a market which craves mindless, rhythmic beats without meaningful lyrical content, Cole and Chance have found a way to please all demographics.


Tier 2: Talented But Not Elite – Absolutely no problems with this list. Big Sean is the most underrated artist in this list but still deserves to be there. Gambino just put out a great album but the ability to crossover is a criteria for being considered elite. Not sure if Gambino has done that yet. Also, if you want to boot Wale from this list, go ahead.


Tier 3: Legends Past Their Prime – Okay, here is where we get into some trouble. Who considers Twista a legend? He is more like a nostalgic novelty for a specific demographic who came of age while he was putting out Overnight Celebrity. My three exceptions to this list: Jay, 50 and Wayne. 50 has publicly expressed why he has not put out a typical 50 album in a while. Simply put, the market right now is not receptive to his type of music. Artists like him (Jay, Nas, Wayne, Kiss) are biding their time until this microwave hit phase fades out. And it will. Do not bet against Jay, Weezy and 50 having one more classic left in them. Well, at least Hov and 50. Okay…at least Hov. The market just needs to take a turn in their direction.


Tier 4: Underrated – How in the world is Joey Bad not in the “talented but not elite” category? His debut mixtape is better than anything ever put out by anyone in that category. Plus the guy is like 13 or something. Cyhi and Dom Kennedy have faded for a reason. Nipsey is a legend In LA. During my one visit there I heard locals bumping him all day, love him in this category. Also, Dave East won’t be in this category for long. While we’re at it, let’s bump Logic up to the “talented but not elite” section. He is just as creative as anyone there and showed some crossover potential.


Tier 5: Overrated – Wow. Some egregious mistakes. If you want to throw Meek, B.O.B and the ASAPs in here, fine. But The Game? Dej Loaf? Young MA? Ew. The Game is not as hyped as he once was, but his recent music is on par with his past catalogue. Just because the current scene does not bump your hits does not mean you are overrated. Dej has put out some fire mixtapes and her best years are still light-years away. As much as I love Joey Bad, he has decided to grow out his hair instead of continue the New York revival. Look for Young MA to pick up where he left off.


Tier 6: Overhyped Legends – In what world is OJ Da Juiceman a legend? Anyways, Jeezy being here is a travesty. If you think he’s overhyped I will start to question how much you know about the genre. You don’t get to do features with Jay, Kanye, Cole and everybody else without having some serious talent. Oh, and I promised myself I would not let myself go on a tirade about Boosie’s cultural impact on his Louisiana community.


The one person who should belong on this list and isn’t: Mr. West. You can make a case that his catalogue has gotten worse since he dropped his debut album. Take away the shoes, the wife, the rants, the Trump meeting. In essence, take away everything that hypes him up. Look at his recent body of music then compare it to his entire career. You’ll see the light, trust me.


Tier 7: Trash – Macklemore and Ty are legit artists. You may not like their music, but it is actually music. The other artists on this list make something else entirely and I’m not sure what to call it. I considered discussing French and writing that he was talented. Except he’s not. People like him, not his music. When’s the last time you heard someone say “Dude, can’t wait for that new French to come out!”