Browsed by
Category: Derek

Dude does a crazy spinning jump that no one has ever done before

Dude does a crazy spinning jump that no one has ever done before

Well the good lord has answered my prayers.

Yesterday I was complaining about kids going viral for literally doing nothing (this is still an issue as the trend is catching on), and asked for someone to do some parkour type shit to earn their viral fame.

Well, from my keyboard to god’s ears.

This dude goes through an absolute spin cycle and hits a quadruple corkscrew.

Not 1 , not 2 , not 3 … but yes 4 full spins.

Apparently he’s been trying to hit this move since 2009. In the time he spent learning to spin around 4 times in the air he could have gone to college and graduated from med school. But hey, to each his own.

For what it’s worth though, I’d rather see a one and a half spin dunk than a 4 spin jump…

All hail the King of Spin…

FOLLOW THE OPEN FIELD Facebooktwitter
There’s a stupid new viral video craze about to start and it’s dumber than you think

There’s a stupid new viral video craze about to start and it’s dumber than you think

This is amazing #MannequinChallenge😂(via daddy_jayy/Twitter)

A video posted by Best Celebrations (@bestcelebrations) on


This is the most 2016 video of 2016

These kids are going viral and will probably get on Ellen for doing literally nothing.

Let me break this down for you. This kids are literally not moving, or saying ANYTHING… and people are eating this shit up.

First it was a kid that just said “Damn Daniel”, then it was a kid that made fun of his friends and said “huuuuh” Now its kids not moving. The bar for impressive viral videos is getting lower and lower.

There was a Renaissance when we transitioned from planking to bottle flipping but its clear we are taking a giant step backward.

 

Give me some people doing some insane parkour or at least someone making an effort.

 

 

P.S.

This would actually be a horrifyingly good prank if you just woke up and your whole town was just standing still. You get someone to think the apocalypse hit and then I’ll get behind this mannequin challenge. But if you’re just gunna stand thre for the hell of standing there, count me out.

FOLLOW THE OPEN FIELD Facebooktwitter
Little japanese kid does an insane skateboarding run

Little japanese kid does an insane skateboarding run

(I know the video is old but it’s going viral now, so just shut up and enjoy it)

Welp every teen hoping to be a pro skater can just quit now. No one will ever be as good as this kid.

This little dude just did all the tricks. And I’m not using the word “all” in hyperbole, I literally believe this kid did every fucking trick there is in skateboarding. (or at least the one you can do without a ramp or a half pipe)

The absurd thing about this is that this kid is only 13. He hasn’t even peaked (or wrapped up puberty) yet. In four years when he still hasn’t graduated high school he’ll probably be skating on his hands.

Even when he was about to fall at the 0:40 mark he turned it into something magical. This kid is the Kenny Wu of skateboarding.

 

(I know I started the video at Kenny Wu intro, but you really should watch the whole thing to get your daily fix of 90’s nostalgia)

Just goes to show that little Japanese kids can combine figure skating with some other really badass sports.

P.S.

In my Mighty Duck research I stumbled upon this little nugget…

Fulton Reed, one half of the bash bros, is Foggy Nelson from Daredevil.

dare

Good for Fulton/Foggy… that type of shit makes me smile.

FOLLOW THE OPEN FIELD Facebooktwitter
Dude decks girl in the face three times, girl eats up every punch

Dude decks girl in the face three times, girl eats up every punch

 

 

escalated

This guy has obviously never heard of the phrase “the customer is always right”. He’s probably also never heard the phrase “Never hit a women”

Despite the fact that this chick was probably saying “Hit me, I dare you puto”, you just can’t swing. Nothing good comes from hitting a girl.

The moment you hit a girl, your metaphorical man card is revoked. The moment you punch a girl point blank in the face 3 times and she eats every one up like Evander Holyfield… that’s when you receive your pussy card.

Lesson here, just let the girl yap your ear off and pray she doesn’t knock your ass out.

Side note, if Javier wanted to make a statement he should have followed in his predecessor’s footsteps.

FOLLOW THE OPEN FIELD Facebooktwitter
Who is the beautiful asian chick in this local hawaii commercial?

Who is the beautiful asian chick in this local hawaii commercial?

Local commercials are the best for all the wrong reasons.

They’re low budget, over the top, and terribly acted.

Although this commercial isn’t quite horrendous, I’m not blogging about it to make fun of it. I’m writing right now because I’m in love.

I need to know who this Asian chick is.

 

girl

 

Her handing that kid a heart in his frappuccino, is a premonition of what would happen if me and her interacted in real life. I would ask her out and she would rip out my heart and hand it to me.

The Hawaii Department of Health has the right idea. Get a beautiful girl to tout whatever message you want to spread and people will listen. Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships and this Asian chick has a face that will make me start chasing shots of vodka with water instead of soda.

Fareway Grocery’s profit margin would be through the roof if they had the asian girl singing JT instead of the pudgy manager.

 

$20 to the first person who can get me in contact with the beautiful girl. Not kidding.

FOLLOW THE OPEN FIELD Facebooktwitter
Guy dresses up as Freddy Krueger and scares the bejesus out of a daycare

Guy dresses up as Freddy Krueger and scares the bejesus out of a daycare

 

I’m all for a good prank and scaring the hell out of kids but this is a bit far even for me.

The second half of them shit their pants, the dude should have taken the mask off (technically he shouldn’t have put the mask on in the first place). Obviously the guy dressed up can’t read social cues very well because from the get-go he would have realized “Oh I just traumatized about 20 kids, maybe I should pull the plug on this prank”

Not gunna be long before parents are suing this daycare because their kids can’t sleep for the next 3 years without waking up screaming.

Also as a side note on the choice of costume, maybe you don’t want to pick a movie character that’s back story is he was a pedophile at a daycare.

What did the teacher expect was gunna happen? Freddy jumps outs, gives these kids a heart attack, then he takes off the mask and all the kids come walking back calmly and sit back down for story time? Kids that young don’t understand real life and masks… now they just think their teacher sometime turns into a burn victim that terrorizes children.

If you want to scare kids 2 and 3 years old just stick to fake spiders and ghosts made out of bed sheets. It really doesn’t take that much. Save the whole burned child molester prank for teenagers.

FOLLOW THE OPEN FIELD Facebooktwitter
Real Quotes from Real People on a Friday

Real Quotes from Real People on a Friday

So it’s Friday and I almost left my apartment without writing this blog… for shame (on me). But I thankfully caught myself and plopped myself on my couch to find some solid quotes. Spoiler Alert… this week we get away from the butt stuff. (Sorry to those of you who enjoy the butt stuff)

 

Quote 1:

“I’m hood as dick”

 

Context:

The specific circumstances around this quote are a bit fuzzy, my apologies. But, what I can do is give you a brief history of the the analogy of being “___ as dick”. My friends and I like to compare things. I’m sure you have friends who do the same thing. To make it known how good or bad something is you’d say this burrito tastes like “heaven” or something along those lines. Or if a party is bad you could say “damn this party is worse than the Holocaust”. (Hopefully you’ve never been to party that bad). Anyway, instead of comparing things to actual other things with some shred of relevance to whatever we’re talking about… we always end our analogy with “dick”. Dick is an all encompassing word for us. Normally we use dick to say how much something is… if something is really good, really bad, really funny, really sad…. All these “really moments” are compared to dick… it just makes sense. So for us, that burrito was “good as dick” or that party was “bad as dick” etc. etc.

 

Quote 2:

“I’m gunna airdrop you dildo in van”

 

Context:

From time to time my friends and I will talk about porn. This quote was said during one of those conversations. My friend was telling us about a video he had just seen titled “dildo in van”. He was saying how funny and ridiculous it was. Something more for entertainment purposes than sensual pleasure. From how he described the scene, it didn’t seem like my cup of tea. But he pressed me to go look it up and watch it. I refused, saying I really didn’t want to see what he was describing. He told me I was missing out, I said I was happy to not see it and I think I’d be mad if I ended up watching. My friend realized I was never going to go out of my way to watch “Dildo in van”. So he made it known that I wouldn’t need to chase down the video, he was gunna bring it to me… which brings us to “I’m gunna airdrop you dildo in van”

He was a man of his word. Dildo in van was airdropped.

I still have not seen Dildo in Van.

 

And that’s it. Hope your weekend is good as dick and you find a porn that get’s you so excited you want to share it with your friends.

 

FOLLOW THE OPEN FIELD Facebooktwitter