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Atlanta wins and other Golden Globes stuff

Atlanta wins and other Golden Globes stuff

I’ll let my dude Keith Stanfield, aka Darius, express how I feel about both Atlanta and Donald Glover winning a Golden Globe last night:

So Atlanta won Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy over the likes of Black-ish and Transparent, which was awesome and made me happy. And Donald Glover won Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy over they likes of Anthony Anderson and Jeffrey Tambor, which was also very awesome and made me very happy.

I have written a lot about what made Atlanta the best show on TV this year, so all I’ll say is that it was nice to see this super dope show be awarded for being super dope. Oh, and Glover’s speeches were perfect. Find both of them if you can.

One more thing: I love Zazie Beetz so much.

* * *

So, the rest of the awards, for me, fell somewhere between “that’s dumb” and “who cares.” A lot of that had to do with my not seeing the respective winning show/movie (good thing I’m writing this, huh?), but some of it had to do with awards shows being mostly stupid and useless.

The Night Manager winning a bunch of awards is a good place to start. It’s a British show originally broadcast on BBC before being picked up by AMC. It stars Tom Hiddleston and Hugh Laurie, which, fine. But, as far as I can tell, it wasn’t that great and wasn’t expected to win many, if any, Golden Globes. Let’s take a look at the categories it did win, and what should have won instead.

The Night Manager was listed as a Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Hugh Laurie won Best Supporting Actor, which is the only one I’m OK with even though I would have gone with Sterling K. Brown from The People v. O.J. Simpson. However, Brown, and his show, won some Emmy’s last year so, whatever.

Olivia Colman won Best Supporting Actress. This Is Us had two nominees in this category, but that show is basically pandering in the form of a TV show so all of its nominees can take a hike. Who should have won? Lena Headey from Game of Thrones is always deserving imho, and would’ve been a better choice than Colman, but Thandie Newton was a force of nature on Westworld. She was robbed.

This leads us to the worst award of the night: Tom Hiddleston winning Best Actor in a Limited Series/Movie for TV over both Riz Ahmed and John Turturro. Hiddleston, although I enjoyed his portrayal of Loki in the Avengers films, is akin to having a single piece of white bread for dinner. I really enjoyed The Night Of, and it should have won for best Limited Series over OJ, and Ahmed and Turturro were super duper fantastic in it.

A key thing to remember about the Globes: they are awarded by the Hollywood Foreign Press, with Foreign being the key word. They appeared to have chosen the British show by default. Which they also did for Best TV Drama, selecting The Crown – Boresville, am I right? – over GoT and, and this is unforgivable, Stranger Things. Boy did I love Stranger ThingsIt really irks me when everyone else on Earth does not love the same things I do.

* * *

On the Movies side of things, La La Land cleaned up as expected. Moonlight was a surprise as best Drama over Manchester By the Sea (I really dug Hell or High Water and encourage you to watch it if you have not). I look forward to seeing each of these at some point as well as seeing how they do at the Oscars.

I wanted Colin Ferrell to win for The Lobster because he was great in it, and that movie was a dark comedy masterpiece, but Ryan Gosling is cool too, I suppose. My biggest beef in Movies was Isabelle Huppert winning for Elle over my girl Amy Adams for Arrival. Again, this probably had a lot to do with who voted for these things. Elle won best Foreign Language Motion Picture, but come on you guys.

Finally: Viola Davis and Meryl Streep are both the realest. And did you know Tom Ford, the clothes designer guy, was the screenwriter and director of Nocturnal Animals? Weird.

Golden Globes 2017 TV Nominations

Golden Globes 2017 TV Nominations

Let’s take a look at the Golden Globes nominations in the television categories.


It goes without saying, but the Golden Globes are kind of the Cousin Eddie of award shows. I outwardly profess to despise any an all of these narcissistic, back-slapping, self-given kudos fests, but, secretly, I like watching them. At least, I like seeing if my favorite shows and actors win, and, if not, I like railing against the injustice of the stupid, meaningless award shows.

I’ll stick to the TV categories since I cover that for The Open Field periodically. Also, I don’t see many movies in theaters so I’d be throwing darts at a wall. Furthermore, there were a couple of television programs from this year that I am madly in love with; expect very unbiased analysis of these noms.

(All categories and nominations have been taken from this Variety article.)

Best Television Series – Drama:
“The Crown”
“Game Of Thrones”
“Stranger Things”
“This Is Us”

“This Is Us” can take a hike and I haven’t seen much of “The Crown” so that leaves us with three options. You all are probably aware of he we feel about “Game of Thrones” here at the site. And Westworld, well, imo it’s great as straight up sci-fi and kind of iffy as a character-driven HBO drama. I liked the first season a lot, but it’s not winning this category.

So who is winning this category? It will probably be “Game of Thrones,” but I want it to be “Stranger Things” so bad. I love this show so much. It has great world-building, great characters, a great mixture of horror and sci-fi, effectively pays homage to Stephen Spielberg and Stephen King, AND features a dumpy Indiana town. If not for “Atlanta,” it would have been my favorite TV show of the year by a considerable margin. Speaking of…

Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy:
“Mozart In The Jungle”

Look, all the other shows are fine. But “Atlanta” was a gosh damn revelation. Donald Glover managed to create something new and unique in a TV landscape that is more overpopulated than Bangladesh. The first season was hilarious and insightful and surreal and really really good. “Atlanta” may have a chance at the Globes, but “Veep” will probably win the Emmy because old white people are dumb.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama:
Rami Malek – “Mr. Robot”
Bob Odenkirk – “Better Call Saul”
Matthew Rhys – “The Americans”
Liev Schreiber – “Ray Donovan”
Billy Bob Thornton – “Goliath”

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Drama:
Caitriona Balfe – “Outlander”
Claire Foy – “The Crown”
Keri Russell – “The Americans”
Winona Ryder – “Stranger Things”
Evan Rachel Wood – “Westworld”

How David Harbour – or any of the fantastic child actors – didn’t make the cut for Best Actor in a Drama is beyond all comprehension. His opposite, Winona Ryder, is very much deserving in the Best Actress category. Although, I must say, Evan Rachel Wood was freaking outstanding in “Westworld.”

Additionally, her “Westword” co-star, Jeffrey Wright, was also shamefully omitted from the Best Actor category. All the actors selected are fine; Harbour and Wright – not to mention Tony Hopkins! – were better than all of ’em.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy:
Anthony Anderson – “Black-ish”
Gael García Bernal – “Mozart in the Jungle
Donald Glover – “Atlanta”
Nick Nolte – “Graves”
Jeffrey Tambor – “Transparent”

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy:
Rachel Bloom – “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – “Veep”
Sarah Jessica Parker – “Divorce”
Issa Rae – “Insecure”
Gina Rodriguez – “Jane the Virgin”
Tracee Ellis-Ross – “Black-ish”

You can guess who I want to want to win the Best Actor, Comedy award (Bino, I’m so for real-o), but it will probably, and deservedly, go to Jeffrey Tambor. I’m pretty ignorant on the ladies side of this thing, but Julia Louis-Dreyfus is always a safe bet. Sarah Jessica Parker was really good in “Divorce.” I have seen snippets of the last three shows; each of those actors are dope as well (#analysis).

Best Limited Series:
“American Crime”
“The Dresser”
“The Night Manager”
“The Night Of”
“The People v O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story”

Best Performance by an Actor in a Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television:
Riz Ahmed – “The Night Of”
Bryan Cranston – “All The Way”
Tom Hiddleston – “The Night Manager”
John Turturro – “The Night Of”
Courtney B Vance – “The People v O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story”

Best Performance by an Actress in a Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television:
Felicity Huffman – “American Crime”
Riley Keough – “The Girlfriend Experience”
Sarah Paulson – “The People v O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story”
Charlotte Rampling – “London Spy”
Thandie Newton – “Westworld”

Let’s take these in a big chunk. “The People v O.J.” was excellent – yes, even Ross from Friends was good in it – but I feel like it was overshadowed by the ESPN documentary covering the same topic. Also, “The Night Of” was my jam.

And that brings us to my toughest choice of these Golden Globes: Riz Ahmed or John Turturro for Best Actor? They were both pitch perfect – as was Michael K. Williams in a supporting role – and enthralling. But, as I said in my series finale recap, Turturro was a force of nature as the out of place, eczema riddled, seemingly hapless but actually pretty decent attorney. The show would have been pretty much the same with a different “Naz,” it would have been completely altered with a different “John Stone.”

Quick question: How did Thandie Newton from “Westworld” get a nom in the Limited Series category when Evan Rachel Wood already did, for the same show, in the Drama category? Oh well, Thande as “Maeve” – the slowly-becoming-sentient robot who cranks all of her sliders and owns a bunch of dumb humans – was probably my favorite part of “Westworld.” I hope she wins, but Sarah Paulson is also very deserving.

I hope all of my favs win a Golden Globe. If not, well, everything is broken and everyone is stupid.

Old Guy Hates Thing: Twenty One Pilots

Old Guy Hates Thing: Twenty One Pilots

Twenty One Pilots: “I’ve been thinking too much. Help. Me.”

Me: “1) I would bet my whole life that there is no way you have been thinking too much, and 2) I wouldn’t help you if we were the last two people on Earth and you were injured and if I didn’t save you I would be completely alone until I died many years later.”

I’ve never had more difficulty writing something in my entire life. For this article I did the thing I like the least. I did the worst thing on Earth. I did something that I wouldn’t subject my actual worst enemy to.

I listened to Twenty One Pilots.


Listen up young people. I’m a live and let live kind of guy. I swear I am. But some things in this world are so vile, so vapid, so tremendously stupid and awful that you have to stand against them. I’m talking genocide. I’m talking human-trafficking. I’m talking Caillou. I’m talking kids starving to death. I’m talking racism.

But most of all I’m talking Twenty One Pilots.

I would like to get one thing out of the way immediately: Why does the drummer guy (if you think, for one second, I’m going to look up the names of these colossal dingbats you are completely insane) insist on acting like he’s actually doing anything in these songs? There is no real drumming in these songs. It’s all drum machines and computers. Or, maybe it was real drumming at one point but it’s so distorted and covered in dog shit that it makes no difference. WHO DOES HE THINK HE’S FOOLING. What a goddamn joke.


I am aware of three of their songs. Two from their latest album – you can imagine my shock when I looked them up and saw that they have four total albums; how could we let this happen? – and that one from Suicide Squad. That’s the extent of my exposure. (Oh my god, “Lane Boy” just came on accidentally on Youtube while I was listening to these three songs and, holy shit, it’s worse than the rest.)

All together, I’ve probably heard all three songs all the way through once or twice. There are a few reasons for this: 1) I don’t listen to the radio, 2) I don’t work at a place that has a communal radio, and 3) when for some reason I am listening to the radio – guaranteed to be my kids’ fault – and one of their songs comes on I am immediately faced with two choices: swerve into oncoming traffic or turn the radio off. I opt for the latter because how can I take my children with me to that end? They have agency; only they can choose how to live their lives. On the other hand, the first option would mean my sweet kids would never have to hear another Twenty One Pilots song…

Anyway, they all have that faux-melancholic bullshit melody that is faker than the Housewives’ newly installed jammers. They all have fake drumming and various dumb electronic sounds. And they have horrible, horseshit rapping by the rapper guy. It’s so so bad, guys. Please be honest with yourselves.

“Stressed Out” is so obviously a dime store “My Name Is” knockoff that it bleeds into poorly-done-parody territory. “Ride” is…jesus, “Ride” is odious. I hate it with the fire of a million suns.

But I have the most visceral reaction to “Heathens.” It’s like they distilled the very worst parts of their band – which is every part of their band – boiled the resulting sludge in a vat of acid and poured it straight into my goddamn ears. It’s the most repulsive thing I have ever heard. I’ve never heard the whole song and I’m very proud of that fact. You couldn’t pay me enough to listen to the whole thing – OK, I would do it for a million dollars; OK, a thousand; OK, $35. Still.

In closing, let’s look at a sampling of the lyrics of these songs.

From “Stressed Out”:

Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young,
How come I’m never able to identify where it’s coming from,
I’d make a candle out of it if I ever found it,
Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I’d probably only sell one,

God shut up.

From “Heathens”:

Welcome to the room of people
Who have rooms of people that they loved one day
Locked away
Just because we check the guns at the door
Doesn’t mean our brains will change from hand grenades

God please shut up.

And finally, from “Ride”:

Metaphorically, I’m the man

This is, literally, the worst line in any song ever.

But, whatever, you need to make money, I guess.


Quick Guide to Drinking With Old High School Friends

Quick Guide to Drinking With Old High School Friends

Wednesday night before Thanksgiving is famously the one night of the year where everyone pretends that they are happy with life in their mid-20’s.

“Oh yea life is great! I’ve literally ALWAYS wanted to do accounting. It’s great!”

For those of you who read this blog, I imagine you exist in a certain state of self-awareness and commonality that allows you to realize how petty and ridiculous it all is. That’s not to say you should stay in, because it is probably going to be a great time, but just that you don’t exactly look forward to seeing the high school defensive tackle who just opened his own fitness center and want’s to proclaim that he is an entrepreneur.

So, this has been written by people before but here it is. Your guide to dealing with people on this, the most famous night for ‘peaked in high school’ folk everywhere.

Rule One: Don’t Pregame

This is a weird one. Usually in order to cope in lame circumstances I would recommend drinking an exorbitant amount prior to any interaction with losers.

But in this case the opposite applies. You don’t want to be the drunkest dude at this party, and starting early will see you end up there. Drink a bit if you want, but don’t attend any crazy pregame parties. That’s how you end up “one of the pack” which is a bad thing, and also “throwing up” which doesn’t need to be in quotations.

Rule Two: Ask As Many Questions as Possible

You want to do this mainly to avoid talking about yourself, and the drunker you get and the more idiots you talk to you’ll want to prove to the old crew that you’re doing well. Don’t. It’s stupid and weird and corny. Let other people talk as much as possible. The less words you end up telling people about yourself on this night the better off you are. Answer with what you do, literally just the title, and ask an immediate question. Talking about yourself tonight is fucking whack. Smarten up.

Rule Three: Be Honest

Nothing will ruin your night faster than lying about something and getting called out for it. Remember that in this day and age, people already know the answers to the questions they are asking you because they hate their job and scroll facebook/twitter/IG all day. Don’t even bother lying to seem cool. You aren’t and that is perfectly okay.

Everyone gets so caught up trying to look cool. By not lying about yourself at all that actually makes you the only cool person there.

Rule Four: She Doesn’t Still Love You

Seriously dude, you don’t even like her anymore. You were SUCH a dickhead in high school, stop pretending you are soulmates who might figure it out tonight.

She is not into you anymore, and if you stopped drinking for one second you would realize she’s giving you the stink eye look, not that look.

Rule Five: Tip Well

It’s subtle, but tipping well creates the appearance of wealth even though you are broke AF. Also, if people ever wonder out loud how you’re doing at that establishment again you have someone on your side.

Rule Six: Don’t Be An Asshole

That’s all guys. Good luck tonight.

Does Jake Secretly Work for Barstool?

Does Jake Secretly Work for Barstool?

By now you probably are wondering where Jake is.

Waking up this morning as I so often do, I went to for my morning fixin. Quick search in the search bar for ‘stupid smirk from my Patriots-loss induced nightmares‘ and was shocked when not a single picture with this face came up:


You probably were as well. What better way to start your day than to look Jake right in the face and picture him saying “oh yeah mikey? if Tom Brady is so good why did they lose? oh yea?” I was quite looking forward to it, I am sure you were too. There is no better anti-Pats voice out there and I mean it sincerely. He knows his football. Frank Wycheck is his favorite player and Frank Wycheck is his favorite Titan. He also likes Frank Wycheck a lot.

So, long story short, we did get this article from Jake last night, but no long and haunting HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH post that I sort of assumed would be there.

As a result, to get my blatantly biased football reason I went to barstool. Not exactly the ideal forum for rational Patriots talk, but entertaining nonetheless. Click here, click there, video here, Hank can’t read there, and BOOM.

What do I see?

Jake’s stupid mug, at least I think, staring me in the face on barstool.


This sneaky bastard dyed his hair and put on a pair of fake glasses and acts like I’m not supposed to recognize him? Give me more credit than that sir-jakes-a-lot, I am on to you. Seriously, he is writing for barstool and the open field, two of the biggest sites in the history of the internet, and has been leading a double-life this whole time.









Officially, I just found out today my friend Jake writes for barstool. I would write much more about how his psychopathic behavior could potentially induce a sort of ‘purple heart’ backstory that he simply lied about once and now is too far down the rabbit hole to crawl out of, but I just poured a cup of half-coffee half-redbull and need to focus attention elsewhere.

Jake, you sneaky SOB, much respect.

Frank Wycheck.




The Promise of Tomorrow

The Promise of Tomorrow

The idea of 2016 being a horrific year for the United States of America is an exaggeration we will soon come to realize tomorrow morning. 

Today is November 8th, 2016.

Voting for the President of Our Nation is going on right now.

I promise you, it is. I drove past flocks of people just ten minutes ago. People that looked just like me. Some that looked just like my little brother. One poor fellow who looked like Jake. A woman who made me think of my mother. A girl with the hair of my sister.

It’s interesting to think about the election and the impact it has had on the way we look at our country. Before, where we may have viewed those with a different set of ideals as culturally unique or simply from a different upbringing, we now associate a candidate selection with a certain set of character traits. Whichever candidate you select to carry out what you feel is the ideal direction of the country, the ‘other side’ will lump you into a generalized contingency of people who may or may not represent what you believe in.

‘The Other Side’

What a phrase that is.


A tiny fall in music breaks
  Against the mountain’s base,
While roars an avalanche and shakes
  The whole world in its race.

There are more talented writers than I who have gone to battle, pen in hand, against the obscenity that is this election cycle. That, I can absolutely guarantee you. Some enter the fray with an objective to open the eyes of their loyal followers, to not-so-subtly coax them into adding vote+vote to equal two votes and so on. In other cases, the goal is to simply make the consumer aware of one or two facts otherwise not thoroughly understood. Either way, they know much more than I do in a general sense.

At my occupation, my means of acquiring wealth, I deal with the ‘fake world’ a lot. I am at the most trivial place in America at the moment, a secondhand, sports-oriented conglomerate who assess me on the amount unique visitors I drive to a site where Clay Travis talks about band geeks and Colin Cowherd jabs at gullible Cowboy fans. It means nothing. Literally nothing. 

Yet still, day after day for the last three months, I have come across some of the most unprovoked filth on the outer fringes of the internet you can even begin to fathom.

In running the social media accounts and the website for my company, there have been stories that teeter on the edge of politic and sport. Colin Kaepernick, Tom Brady, Richard Sherman. Hulk Hogan, Bob Knight, Mike Ditka. When a story like this hits the internet, I am quickly reminded of the literal obsession, the inability to think comprehensibly about anything else, that people have with this election and it’s candidates.




The hatred I see on a daily basis, over something as simple as sport is by all accounts an indication of the overall unhappiness our country is currently bed-riddenly sick with. We are plagued by the notion that we are vastly different from one another. That one wing is stupid and one correct. That that side over there has no idea what they are talking about, and we are right. 

Look at the way major publications and important members of the media have labeled those supporting Donald Trump, not even the candidate himself. Words like deplorable, arrogant, pompous, even stupid. These are labels being placed directly on the forehead of American citizens. We are branding intricate, complicated individuals over the candidate they are selecting for the United States Presidency. Eight years ago, not one of us viewed the selection of a candidate as an indictment on character. Simply a choice made by someone who is free to do as they please. Now, we face a time in our country where we view those with different ideals as either lesser or greater than something else.

Labelling someone a ‘Trump Supporter’ or a ‘Hillary Supporter’ is to take every single part of their physical and spiritual being and condense it into two words that will mean nothing tomorrow. We mean no more, we mean no less. For the past few months we have been split into two teams for an inter-squad scrimmage, and grown so petty that we don’t realize we are still on the same roster. Tomorrow, when practice does indeed end and the reversible jerseys are all put back to the same color, will we be able to view one another as teammates again?


A million creatures find a home
  Within a droplet’s sphere,
And giants through the woodlands roam
  While quakes the land in fear.

Our country is, and will be, just fine.

Tonight sees the end of America’s favorite talking point, the very subject that has allowed man, woman, and child to indulge in the same conversation about life and what our responsibilities as Americans are. We will wake up tomorrow, the sun will be out, and we will go to work. On the way to work, we will drive in the same traffic, and get cut off by the same people.

We won’t drive past groups of people standing outside to vote. That will be done and over with. But that boy who just crossed the street during the red light will still look like my brother. That woman who held the elevator open for me still sort of resembles my mother. That guy at the bus stop still sorta looks like Jake.

My point is this. Tomorrow, we will see the highest overall increase in happiness in our country possibly since July 4th, 1776. People will smile brighter. Gary from accounting will say “Did you catch the season finale of America last night?” and you will fake laugh because he is already smiling ear to ear so it would be embarrassing to tell you saw that meme 47 times before lunch, plus he still isn’t wearing a wedding ring on his finger so you’ve always been sort of nice to him for some reason. Gary is American like you are. He has stories about his past, probably a girl he will never stop loving, and even a son. He goes to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday, and there’s this Thai place he is looking to try out this weekend. If you asked him to grab a cup of coffee with you, it would make his day.

Where today Gary might be a “Trump Supporter” or a “Hillary Supporter” tomorrow he is much more.

Tomorrow he becomes again who he was before this all began.


Nowhere in Nature can we find
  Things equal, save in death,
One must rule with thoughtful mind,
  One serve with panting breath.

Look at tonight as an exciting testament to our nation’s overall level of giving a shit. Nothing more, nothing less.

Outrage and joy can all be combined into one glass jar, shaken up until it all blends together in one purple mix, and labeled ‘Intense Patriotism.’ We can then take that jar, push it to the back of the highest shelf in our home, and call upon it if we need it someday later. After that, walk over to couch, and put something on the television designed to humor us intentionally, and get back to life as we knew it.

Then, when the sun comes up tomorrow, find someone who reminds you of something you love.

All excerpts were taken from Equality, a Poem by Arthur Weiss



lindsay lohan is doing the peoples work

lindsay lohan is doing the peoples work

This is going on in Athens, apparently – and I’m pretty floored about it. Yesterday I blogged about Shailene Woodley and her North Dakota pipeline activism, which is awesome because you don’t see a lot of vocal celebs actually getting their hands dirty.

So – coming off a seven year bender what does Lindsay Lohan decide to do? Go to a country with insanely high unemployment that’s had a large contribution to the downturn of the Euro and ongoing European debt crisis – and open a nightclub!

What better way to feed the souls of already alienated people conveniently located to take on a bulk of the landing of about 500k refugees who’ve fled Syria in the past calendar year than for the millennial poster child of when exploiting your kid goes wrong. She hasn’t died of a heroin overdose yet but if bojack horseman has taught us anything that should be coming with in the next three years or so.

Is that morbid? My bad – her dad say’s she doing fine :



Accent you say? Yes – rehash the video, now she’s British or something and it’s totally  normal and she’s totally not been rewired by Kramer post the years of substance abuse except for that little lapse where she sounds not British momentarily. Then again maybe she’s prepping for a role or something in which case I can totally respect this move – if i’ve said it once i’ve said it a thousand times, nothing but respect for crazy people who hold no qualms in the public eye about their lunacy.

Back to the nightclub – most insane thing i’ve heard in months. Basically the personification of Pitbull’s dumbass song being late on rent but still buying bottles in the club – but I’m sure the thought of Syrian orphans sleeping easier after months at sea with the help of nasally absorbing their parents stench vodka is warming the hearts of Lohan fans the world over.

If a refugee who hasn’t yet found footing in the form of a job / some kind of legitimate housing ever walks into this nightclub with the intention of getting after it on a weekend i’ll eat my oldest pair of shoes on a facebook live.