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2016 i hate the eagles hate blog pt.1

2016 i hate the eagles hate blog pt.1

 

It’s that time of the year again.  I’m not talking about the 31st of October, when fictional ghouls and hideous characters come out to haunt your dreams.  I’m referring to Philly week, the week where evil manifests itself in the Giants opposition.  My hatred for the Eagles is up bottled up until this week rolls around, when a tap is inserted into my soul and the stream of angst flows freely.  I hate the Eagles.  HATE.  I am using hate to refer to a team of grown ass men who not only have no impact on my well-being, but also could have me sucking meals through a tube if they so pleased.  The Giants haven’t beaten the Eagles in like three seasons.  The song and dance were identical each of the last two seasons, and I’m tired of drinking that Koolaide.

The Giants entered their bye week at 4-3, a miraculous feat when you consider how underachieving the predicted strength of their team has been.  What’s been plaguing the Giants has little chance to be remedied against the Eagles.  The Giants need to get their pass attack going, and quick too.  In three of their four wins, the Giants defense has been on the field during the final drive immediately following a blown chance by the offense to put the game away with a 3rd down conversion.

If you have been a conscious individual the last four seasons, you won’t be shocked to hear how the Giants are yet against the worst rushing attack in football.

Philadelphia is more middle of the pack when it comes to rush defense rankings, but what has made Philadelphia so good on defense this season is their relentless pass rush.  By bringing in Jim Schwartz and his scheme, the Eagles have maximized the talent of their defensive front.  They rank 2nd so far in sack percentage after ranking 22nd this time last season.  Considering the names on the Philadelphia front, it felt like the only thing missing from the Eagles defense was the right mind to guide it.  I’m sure Jim Schwartz was salivating at the thought of coaching #91.

 

via GIPHY

 

Weston Richburg is going have his hands full with Fletcher Cox and the rest of the Eagles front.  The Giants are going to have their hands full period.  Last two times they have played the Eagles while being a game above .500, they had their shit totally pushed in.

It’s probably going to be another low scoring affair, one of those beautiful disaster style games where there is a billion turnovers.  There’s a great chance we see the “Eli Manning” face once, twice or thrice.  Whether that be from his own stupidity, a brain fart from Larry Donnell or a barrage of penalized bear hugs from Ereck Flowers remains to be seen.  They need to change up the offense from the three-receiver set we see EVERY. SINGLE. SNAP.  This isn’t an original take by any means, but it’s just such a valid point.  The predictability of the Giants offense is fully reflected in their lack luster numbers.  While they do have talented receivers, their versatility is sorely lacking.  None of the big three pass catchers are over 6 ft, making it hard to run the ball with any effectiveness or creativity.

It’s a foregone conclusion in my mind that Philadelphia will out-muscle the Giants up front.  As painful as it is to watch Ben McAdoo’s conservative and predictable play-calling, being conservative is probably the Giants best bet.  Big Blue’s defensive matchup with the Eagles offense looks promising, as the Giants are FINALLY healthy.  If you hadn’t tuned into SNF last week, the Eagles commit an absurd amount of drops.  Also doesn’t help your talent situation at wide receiver when one of your better playmaker’s casually drag races with a glock and weed in the car.

This is a must win game for the Giants.  They are now virtually tied for 2nd in a division that is being run by the Cowboys.  Their next four games are home against Philly, Cincinnati and Chicago with one trip to Cleveland.  4-0 would be so big that my ego would feel self conscious if it stood in the same room.  They came out flat as a board after the bye week last season and any slow start this week will turn into a dumpster fire of a loss.  That is something my continued mental health is hoping doesn’t occur.

 

 

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look what happens when you walk into offices unannounced

look what happens when you walk into offices unannounced

 

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that’s a guy in a suit. see the guy in a suit? his names mickey and i literally know nothing about him save that he became our giants blogger about a month ago and he’s from long island. i can only assume he’s a douche, which is fine, i love long island.

point is – he’s a pretty fuckin good writer and he reached out to me through an ad seen by a friends girlfriend who’s also a friend and when i asked said friend about the dude all he would tell me is : “yeah, good guy. knows his shit”

when pressing on said “shit knowing” all i could get back was a “yeah, he’s smart, knows his shit”

yes – assholes for friends.

so i guess i figured “knows his shit” wouldn’t entail one leaving his day job (i have no idea what mickey does but it looks about as soul sucking as bernie sanders spam folder) to walk into a live streamed blog giant thing to apply for a gig when a few months back this exact thing happened and all of said barstool bloggers were like yo fuck you then put the video online.

point probably proved by me asking mickey how it went and him responding with :

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then again that actually sounds like the perfect way to get hired for a company that’s actually able to pay you to write for them so as i’m choking through this IPA and trying to ignore osweiler shitting all over over my tv i’m trying to decide if i brought on the worlds smartest idiot or something in between.

UPDATE

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just noticed the hem height – irrational confidence or convinced it’s 1973. either way I love it.

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Gentlemen, Start your Bandwagons!

Gentlemen, Start your Bandwagons!

We’re almost a third of the way through the 2016 NFL season!  For some, that’s a third of the way through a tight-rope act whose successful completion could result in a championship.  For others, it’s a still a long ways until the calendar flips and your teams’ lifeless body is reanimated for the next season.

 

NFC East

  1. Dallas Cowboys:  The Cowboys are on fire.  It’s entirely possible that their offensive line is the most dominant positional group in the league.  Ezekiel Elliot rattled off chunk yardage virtually untouched.  His after burners are impressive as well, and Dak Prescott still has yet to throw an interception.  Dallas is for real with these two leading the charge; the only storm on the horizon is the return of Romo and what Dallas might do with their two quarterbacks.
  2. Philadelphia Eagles:  Philadelphia was bound to lose at some point this season.  Lane Johnson is missing the next 10 games due to PED suspension, so a shuffling at the offensive line begs some questions.  The upcoming slate will be decidedly telling for where the birds stand:  Washington, Minnesota, Dallas, New York.
  3. Washington Redskins:  I feel partially responsible for the 3 game win-streak Washington has stumbled into.  Washingtons offense seems to have no shortage of weapons with the emergence of Jameison Crowder.  Transversely, the secondary seems to be Josh Norman and warm bodies.
  4. New York Giants:  it’s times to come out and say it:  Eli Manning is playing poorly.  I’ve let him off the hook for a while now, but Sunday night was as winnable as any game they’ve played this season.  He missed open receiver after open receiver, air mailing Will Tye on what would have been an easy touchdown.  He was bailed out by another spectacular Odell Beckham touchdown catch.  The lack of depth at defensive line is another disturbing quality of the team–the Giants got gashed on the ground the plays where JPP and Vernon were not in the game.  This might not be a good football team.

NFC South

  1. Atlanta Falcons:  Is Atlanta for real?  Is Matt Ryan for real? You know it.  Atlanta walked into the defending champions building and totally exploited their lone defensive deficiency.  With Carolina losing AGAIN on Monday night, Atlanta might just run away with this division.
  2. New Orleans Saints:  New Orleans comes out of the bye with four of their next five against Carolina, Seattle, Kansas City and Denver.  YIKES.  New Orleans might suffer the fatal blow to their season during this stretch.
  3. Carolina Panthers:  Without Cam Newton Monday night, Carolina again lost in heartbreaking fashion.  If Cam can clear the concussion protocol and get back to a semblance of his old ways, the upcoming schedule looks favorable:  New Orleans, Arizona, Los Angeles, Kansas City, New Orleans.
  4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers:  Tampa Bay squeaked out a win against Carolina Monday night in Cam Newton’s absence.  Given how depleted their defense was, they should thank their lucky stars to have avoided the reigning MVP.  I’m still wondering why the selected a kicker in the second round.

NFC North

  1. Minnesota Vikings:  Minnesota is my Super Bowl team right now.  A team with Sam Bradford is a Super Bowl favorite right now.  How insane does that sound?  They have offensive lineman dropping like flies, but thankfully this team is built on suffocating defense.  With the Eagles, Bears, Lions and Redskins coming up, this Vikings team is going to FEAST.
  2. Green Bay Packers:  Not a sharp effort at home from the Packers at all.  They let a bad football team hang around the entire game.  Smarter teams would have been wise to exploit the Packers dearth of capability at cornerback.  The Packers gold-standard run defense gets to throw down with the Cowboys running attack next week.
  3. Detroit Lions:  The most emotion I’ve ever seen out of Jim Caldwell on that fumble recovery Sunday afternoon.  I don’t know enough about the Lions this season to believe they are anything better than last season
  4. Chicago Bears:  The election might be winding down, but the Bears are beginning their campaign against Cleveland for the Office of the Worst Team in Football.  They’re are nothing more than a pseudo-bye at this point.

NFC West

  1. Seattle Seahawks:  Russell Wilson earned my respect by gutting out an MCL sprain against the Jets before the bye.  Even I wouldn’t of missed the opportunity to pad my passing stats.  Now Seattle gets real, with games against the Falcons, Cardinals, Bills and Patriots upcoming.  This is where their defense has made their money.
  2. Los Angeles Rams:  I sincerely do no understand the Rams.  They can beat Seattle, they can beat Arizona, but they can’t beat Buffalo?  The only team that may be more undisciplined than the Rams came to Los Angeles and stuck it to the Rams.
  3. Arizona Cardinals:  Lucky for the redbirds, Carson Palmer missed a game against the 49ers.  This team needs to get it figured out fast though–first place schedules usually do not get any easier.
  4. San Francisco 49ers:  Colin Kapernick and his disdain for standing is the only thing keeping this team relevant.  He’ll start this week against a red-hot Buffalo Bills team.

 

AFC East

  1. New England Patriots:  We didn’t learn anything about the Patriots though their burning of the Browns other than Brady likes his new toys.  This team could win 15 games easily.
  2. Buffalo Bills:  Add me to the list of people that did not believe firing the offensive coordinator– on a team that gave up 50 in their first two games–would make a difference.  Wouldn’t it have been interesting if Rex fired Rob?  I imagine it happening in a  way similar to how John Travolta’s character in Swordfish has the duplicate body–he inserts it into an explosion to fake his own death and make every detractor of his think the issue is resolved.  Meanwhile, the real issue is still Rex, even though the Bills are on fire right now.
  3. New York Jets:  Be sure to take the Jets out with the rest of the trash.  The Steelers receivers against the Jets secondary is a mismatch similar to Mike Tyson vs Christian Bale in The Machinest
  4. Miami Dolphins:  Miami is a laughable disaster.  Not even Adam Gase, someone who steadied Jay Cutler’s ship last season, is capable of saving Ryan Tannehill.  Does anyone actually believe that Laremy Tunsil slipped getting out of the shower?

AFC South

  1. Houston Texans:  We love to jab at the NFC East for the low-quality winners it produces, but Houston should be celebrated the same way if they win the division this season.
  2. Tennessee Titans:  Marcus Mariota is quietly turning into one of the league’s most exciting players to watch.  Given the quality of their division, I would not rule them out of contention.
  3. Indianapolis Colts: Chuck Pagano’s doomsday clock stalls as the Colts barely survive lowly Chicago.  I think it comes down to “when not if” as far as the Grigson/Pagano dismissal is concerned.
  4. Jacksonville Jaguars:  Bears, Raiders and Titans coming up?  Someone needs to flip the switch for all of Jacksonville’s big acquisitions.

AFC North

  1. Pittsburgh Steelers:  The Steel City’s passing attack is amazing to watch.  They are beginning to pull away from the rest of the division.
  2. Baltimore Ravens:  The Ravens match up this week with another two who started 2-0 but has found themselves in the midst of a losing streak since.  Baltimore was almost a cause for the Giants last week too, but Breshad Perriman wasn’t able to keep both feet in at the end of regulation.
  3. Cincinnati Bengals:  The Bengals got absolutely destroyed by Dallas.  28-0 at one point.  That loss might just be the tip of the iceberg for the Bengals–they have the dubious distinction of traveling to Foxboro this week, where the Patriots haven’t lost to an AFC opponent in any game Brady has started and finished since 2005.  I have a feeling Brady will play 60 minutes too.
  4. Cleveland Browns:  I have to believe that Hue Jackson is in it for the long haul.  Chicago is pushing hard for the Bad Team Belt, but I think Cleveland clinched that before kickoff of week one.

AFC West

  1. Denver Broncos:  Did you think I would be saying “The Broncos need Trevor Siemian back” before the season started?  Denver is a contender with the Northwestern product, but if he’s out for an extended period, Lynch needs to step up.  I would assume that the Broncos held out on starting Siemian last week because of the short turn-around against the Chargers, a team who stands mathematical zero chance against Denver.
  2. Oakland Raiders:  Derek Carr and his stable of receivers are FUN to watch.  I absolutely love when a defensive minded coach has a defense that stinks too.  Del Rio has a little bit of that Rex Ryan shtick about him, except his outfit game is en fuego and his balls can’t fit in any modern American home.
  3. Kansas City Chiefs:  nothing like a bye week to contemplate getting two weeks work of points scored on you before halftime of your previous game.  This team could be 1-7 and their playoff odds would be the same as if they were up 10 in the fourth quarter with Andy Reid trying to milk the clock.
  4. San Diego Chargers:  the Chargers STINK.  McCoy has a seat at the train station with Chuck Pagano.

Who Can Win it All?

  1. New England:  needs no introduction, this Patriots team is loaded.  They went 3-1 and now have the greatest quarterback of all time returning to the lineup.   Their two tight end sets in the redzone will be unstoppable.
  2. Minnesota:  The Vikings defense is on a legendary pace.  There is still a little voice in my head whispering to my common sense regarding Sam Bradford, but for now they are the class of the NFC.
  3. Pittsburgh:  “How will Pittsburgh supplement the loss of Martavis Bryant?”  Sammy Coates. Markus Wheaton. Warm Body off the streets.  This team breeds playmakers.
  4. Dallas:  their offensive line is one of the most dominating units in football.  Their unstoppable run game meets Green Bay’s immovable run defense.
  5. Atlanta:  The leagues number one offense has been down this road before, last time they crumbled down the stretch.
  6. Denver:  the defending champs have begun their potential encore season with a 5-1 record.  Siemian has been wonderful for the Broncos, as has Gary Kubiak, so getting back both will be huge.
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